Not all Treasure is Silver and Gold
by Hobbit-eyes
Summary: Jack, Will and Elizabeth are off on another adventure, but this one could be the hardest yet. The pirates they're against are different from most - for one thing, THEY'RE NOT CURSED! (dramatic chord) And what have bead fairies got to do with it?...
1. Guess what, another quest

Here it is - the sequel to 'The Search for the Big Pink albeit Cursed Diamond'! Long dreaded and long feared, I return to attempt to write a semi- serious humour fanfic - well, serious by my standards. And even though it's a sequel, it's fine to be read on its own. I don't own Pirates of the Caribbean, or any of the characters - haven't even been able to commandeer them, dagnabbit. Enjoy!  
  
Not all Treasure is Silver and Gold  
  
Chapter 1 - Guess what, another quest  
  
"Here we go," said Elizabeth. She and Will had just returned to Port Royal, and were preparing to break it to Governor Swann that his little daughter was moving with the local blacksmith to Rum Island, the renowned rum trader of the Caribbean which was twinned with Tortuga. Will himself had taken the liberty of carrying a pistol with him along with Stabby, his lucky sword.  
  
"Hey, here's a thought," said Will, "Maybe he'd take it better if I, er, wasn't there?"  
  
"How would that make it better?" said Elizabeth.  
  
"Well, I'd have a head start for when he ran after me challenging me to a duel," said Will. Elizabeth rolled her eyes.  
  
"Come on Will. Be manly!"  
  
"This is manly! Avoiding responsibility!" protested Will.  
  
"You may enter now," said a butler.  
  
"See you," said Will, darting out of the front door before she could object, leaving her with a terrified look on her face. As he headed off down the drive, he heard "YOU'RE MOVING WHERE?!?!?!" As he reached the gate, he heard, "RUM ISLAND?!?!?!?!?" so he rightly assumed she had clarified the point. He decided that he would spend two hours before returning as opposed to just one.  
  
Later, while he was grabbing all his things in the forge - as Mr Brown was asleep he took the liberty of taking his 'cut' from the money in the box in the corner and several swords and other tools - Elizabeth came in.  
  
"Well?" said Will, "How did it go?"  
  
"It all went fine!" said Elizabeth brightly. Too brightly.  
  
"Elizabeth?" said Will warily, "What did you tell him?"  
  
"I, erm," said Elizabeth, "Just that, um, you were..." She trailed off, mumbling the last words indistinguishably.  
  
"What?"  
  
"I said you were, um, dying," she said finally.  
  
"YOU WHAT???"  
  
"I told him that you were leaving me all your money when you died!" said Elizabeth.  
  
"What money?" said Will bewilderedly.  
  
"From your father's estate."  
  
"WHAT estate?"  
  
"Lie a little, lie a lot," shrugged Elizabeth. She raised an eyebrow and smiled. "At least he'll be off our backs until your 'tragic demise'."  
  
"What did you say I was dying from?" said Will.  
  
"Uh, Blacksmith's Blight," said Elizabeth sheepishly, "He kept shouting about how you were just a blacksmith, and alliteration was the first thing that came to my head."  
  
"Is that contagious?" said Will.  
  
"Not as far as I know," said Elizabeth, "Now, I'm just popping out-"  
  
"Where?" said Will quickly.  
  
"I have to go and see Hannah! If you remember, that was the whole reason we WENT on the quest for the Big Pink Pretty Albeit Cursed Diamond."  
  
"Well, don't take the bait," said Will warningly, "You know what she's like."  
  
"I can handle it!" said Elizabeth heatedly.  
  
*****  
  
"So what are the symptoms of Blacksmith's Blight?" said Governor Swann curiously. Will sighed inwardly and wondered what was taking Elizabeth so long.  
  
"Uh, not much. Just, uh, slight headaches, halitosis and - brittle fingernails."  
  
"Brittle fingernails?" said Governor Swann, nodding, "Hmm."  
  
"But it's really, really contagious between men, so we might not come and visit you much," said Will, "Like, once every year. If that. Purely out of health reasons of course."  
  
"Of course," nodded Governor Swann, looking relieved.  
  
Suddenly they heard some angry muttering coming towards them. "Uh-oh," thought Will. The door burst open, and Elizabeth came in, grumbling rapidly about Hannah.  
  
"Nice visit at your friend's?" asked Governor Swann. Will was amazed that someone could have so little tact. Elizabeth said nothing but sat down dramatically in one of the chairs, still grumbling. She remained grumbling for the rest of the evening, and it was only when they went upstairs - still in separate rooms, on the Governor's orders - that she vented her fury.  
  
"That evil, evil BITCH! She says that the quest can't have been that TOUGH if you managed to complete it, and not only that, her father's just been KNIGHTED!"  
  
"Knighted?" said Will. Elizabeth glared. "I mean, knighted? Who wants to be knighted? I mean, the number of people who get - bruised shoulders..."  
  
"Nice try," said Elizabeth drily.  
  
"So, what does it matter? We're moving to Rum Island. You won't see her ever again. AND you have the Big Pink Pretty Albeit Cursed Diamond."  
  
"Yes, I know," said Elizabeth, smiling and pulling it out of her pocket and gazing at it fondly. "But still, we need to beat her again!"  
  
"Again?" said Will dejectedly, "How are we going to this time?"  
  
"Find a quest that others have already failed on!" beamed Elizabeth.  
  
"How many more cursed pirate crews are there OUT there?" said Will in horror.  
  
"Oh, tons! There's Rob Roy and the Scotsmen, Blackbeard and his scurvy rogues, Lord Burnand and his jolly band of rotters, the Dark Scourge of the Caribbean, Hot Female Pirate Front of Tortuga-"  
  
"Oooh," said Will. Elizabeth glared. "I mean, uh, wow, there's a real mix."  
  
"Yup! But you know what we need to do."  
  
Will looked at Elizabeth's face. "Oh no. Again?"  
  
"Of course we need Jack Sparrow! What sort of Disney trilogy will it be without him?"  
  
"Fine, fine, fine," said Will, "But we'll wait for him to meet us."  
  
"OK!" beamed Elizabeth, "But can we go to Tortuga then, on the way to Rum Island? And, uh, hang out in the pubs?"  
  
"Not to wait for Jack Sparrow by any chance?" said Will.  
  
"Oh come on! Where else is he going to be? We've got to give him a chance, we're not exactly going to find him at Alcoholics Anonymous, are we?"  
  
"Judging that it hasn't been invented yet, I'd guess not." Will sighed. There went his idea of just settling down and being a blacksmith.  
  
So that evening, after a tearful farewell back at the Governor's house and Will had lugged Elizabeth's belongings down to the Dauntless, having just returned from a fruitless trip to Isla de Muerta, (Commodore Norrington had been ordered to sail with them as far as Tortuga at least) they set sail from Port Royal. As they sailed from the harbour, Will looked overboard, and saw a turtle swimming along with another turtle in the beautiful turquoise water.  
  
Suddenly another shark swam up and ate both of them. "Hope that's not foreshadowing," said Will worriedly.  
  
*****  
  
Do you want to be in this fanfic? It's just that I need some more characters. If so, go to my bio, where there's a form to fill in, and send it on over to me! I'm not taking everyone though, unlike last time, cos the boat just got toooo crowded. See you all next update! (waves) 


	2. Who would burn the pub?

(blinks at absolutely humongous response for crewmembers) Whoa... Thanks to everyone who applied! I'm sorry that I can't take everyone! One new character will be materializing this chapter, a few more in the next one, and yet MORE in chapters yet to come. And also, to everyone who was in the last one – if you want to be in this one, can you send me the form? Thanks.  
  
Also, thanks to everyone who reviewed! Much appreciated! Yay, they make me SMILE!  
  
Chapter 2 – Who would burn the pub?  
  
Pretty soon the ship sailed into Tortuga. Not that it had seemed soon to Will; in his mind, every moment with the Commodore was a moment of hell, especially as the Commodore kept teasing him about what he had learnt from the girls on the quest for the Big Pink Pretty albeit Cursed Diamond. So however short a time it took the crew to manoeuvre the Dauntless effortlessly into the port (another cause of anger to Will; the film hadn't shown Jack and Will's attempt at getting the Interceptor into the docks, mainly because the profanity and violence would make the film R rated) it seemed too long to Will.  
  
"Right!" said Elizabeth as she walked down the gangplank onto land, "To the pubs!"  
  
"You know what?" said Will, looking around, "This place looks somewhat smokier than it did when we were last here."  
  
"When was that?" said Elizabeth, "Three days ago, isn't it?"  
  
"Oh yes," said Will, "My, doesn't time drag when you're meeting parents?"  
  
"Yes," agreed Elizabeth unexpectedly. She turned to face the Commodore. "Look, Norry-boy, we still want a lift to Rum Island. So no running off as soon as we're in the pub, you hear me young man?"  
  
"Young man?" said Norrington, "I'm about ten years older than you."  
  
"Are you arguing, old man?" said Will, raising an eyebrow.  
  
"I – shut up, whelp," said Norrington.  
  
"I AM NOT A WHELP!"  
  
"Come on Will," said Elizabeth, dragging Will away. They headed towards the main bar inland, but as they got closer they discovered that it was getting yet smokier, and the drunks who were usually slumped next to barrels were running hither and thither. (Ha, never thought I'd write that.)  
  
"What gives?" said Will as they neared the centre of the town. They rounded a corner, and in front of them they saw buildings on fire and people running screaming out of houses.  
  
"I'm guessing there's a fire," shrugged Elizabeth.  
  
"Oooh, clever," said Will, "Where from?"  
  
"Cursed pirates?" said Elizabeth, but then a strange light came into her eyes and she smiled. "Will-"  
  
"Can we please choose pirates who aren't arsonists?" said Will desperately. Elizabeth looked at him sceptically. "Oh, so not only are the best pirates cursed, they like burning stuff?"  
  
"You're getting it," beamed Elizabeth.  
  
Suddenly a man came hurtling out of nowhere and stopped when he saw the burning buildings. "The pub!" he shouted in pure terror, "The pub! WHERE'S THE RUM???"  
  
"Hey Jack," said Will. Jack didn't look at him, but continued to stare at the burning taverns, eyes filling with tears, mouth open in horror. "Uh, Jack?"  
  
"Who would burn the pub?" said Jack weakly, "What did the pub do to anyone?"  
  
"Jack, what's going on?" said Elizabeth. Jack still didn't say anything, but was now mouthing profanities silently. Suddenly pelting out an alley came the whole of Jack's crew; Anamaria, Mr Gibbs and all, including Tobias, Mro and Tanuki, who'd joined the crew on the last adventure. "Hey, what's going on?" she said, turning to them, "Jack seems to have lost the ability to speak."  
  
"We don't know," said Anamaria, "Some cursed pirates just came, and they've been pilfering, plundering, pillaging and the like."  
  
"And we have not," said Mro sulkily.  
  
"Where's Mort?" asked Will.  
  
"Looking for his sister," said Tanuki, "We lost her while we were running through the streets."  
  
"Running away?" said Elizabeth, raising an eyebrow.  
  
"Tactical manoeuvre," said Jack defensively.  
  
"Do you have any idea what they're doing here?" asked Will, "I mean, cursed pirates – are they looking for an object, a person? Me again?"  
  
"Don't think so this time," said Jack.  
  
"Aw, tough luck," said Elizabeth, hitting Will on the arm in what she thought was a commiserating way, but made Will wince.  
  
"Have you stolen anything recently?" asked Anamaria suspiciously to Elizabeth.  
  
"No! Except the Big Pink albeit Cursed Diamond," she added, yet again taking out of her pocket to gaze at it. Again.  
  
"Oh, it's bad luck to carry the diamond round with you-" said Mr Gibbs nervously.  
  
"I'll risk it," said Elizabeth.  
  
Suddenly two figures came pelting out of the alleyway. One of them collided with Will, who somersaulted out of habit and landed in the nearest water barrel, still trying to pull out his sword, despite being submerged upside- down in the water up to his waist. Elizabeth tried not to laugh – Jack made no such attempt and almost fell over cackling.  
  
"Hey, Mort!" said Tobias, "This your sister, then?"  
  
"Yes," said Mort, who was one of the people who'd just run up, and gestured to the girl next to him. "This is Helen, everyone."  
  
"Hey," said Helen, waving, "You're Elizabeth, right? I've heard about what you got up to with Jack on that island," she added, grinning slightly evilly. Will, who had been fighting to escape from the slightly-too-small barrel, gave an indignant splutter at this and fell back in again, his legs waving in the air, sounding like he was shouting many profanities underwater.  
  
"And that must be Will?" said Helen. Elizabeth ran over and pushed the barrel over, causing a very wet Will to come tumbling out of the end, spouting out water. Her eyebrows raised. "Hey, he's hot. You failed to mention that," she said, turning to look at her brother accusingly.  
  
"He's also taken," said Mort, indicating Elizabeth.  
  
"But she's easy to deal with!" said Helen, a little too loudly.  
  
"She's also not deaf!" said Elizabeth, as indignant as Will had been before, if that were possible. Helen made a "Pfft," noise.  
  
"What happened?" asked Tobias quickly, because Elizabeth was looking murderously at Helen.  
  
"I found her OK," said Mort, "She was being chased by some of the cursed pirates, but we managed to get away."  
  
"Chased?" said Will quickly, "Does she have any idea why they were chasing her?"  
  
"Well, you don't know her very well, but I'll just say it's very easy for her to upset people," shrugged Mort.  
  
"Hey!" said Helen, "Actually, I think I heard them saying they were looking for something."  
  
"What?" asked Anamaria.  
  
"I don't know exactly. I think it has something to do with Jack, and his crew for some quest after a diamond," said Helen.  
  
"What?" said Elizabeth, sounding shocked, "Why?"  
  
"What have you done now?" said Will, glaring at Jack accusingly.  
  
"Nothing, as far as I know," said Jack, looking perplexed as well, "But then, I can't really remember much of the past few days..."  
  
"I don't know. I think they have something," said Helen, also looking slightly mystified, "Did you give them anything?"  
  
"No-" began Will.  
  
"Rum," said Jack immediately.  
  
"Uh, I don't think they'll be looking for that, personally," said Tanuki.  
  
"Then what ARE they looking for?" said Mro.  
  
"What I suggest," said Jack, looking unusually thoughtful, "is allowing someone to be captured by the pirates, and to learn from them what's going on."  
  
Everyone turned to look at Elizabeth, who sighed.  
  
"Fine, fine," said Elizabeth sulkily, "Why don't you just call me ElizaBAIT?"  
  
***  
  
Is it a bird? Is it a plane? No, it's CALLOUTS...  
  
Theshiz – Oooh, two forms. Lucky day for me!  
  
Tanuki Yasha – Hmmm... (makes it personal mission to make Elizabeth raise her eyebrows in every chapter)  
  
mronimusha – Yaay, England! I'm feeling strangely patriotic... Thanks for sending in the new form, it makes it easier to write your character. And no, not all treasure is silver and gold. Jack said so. There's also diamonds, rubies, sapphires...  
  
Cecile Li – I update as quickly as I can! Which never seems to be quick enough!  
  
CrazedElfStalker – Aww, thanks! That's so sweet! Dandy... hehehe, my fic is DANDY...  
  
Feaelin Greenleaf – (eye twitches) Slash? Euuuurrrggghh... something you will never, NEVER see in ANY of my stories is slash! SLASH IS EVIL!!! CHECK THE NAME!!! SLASH!!! SINCE WHEN HAS ANY KIND OF SLASHING BEEN GOOD???? Ahem... excuse me...  
  
Im a Brandybuck – I've got the form! I just had that mental image of a turtle swimming along, like in usual films, with all the nice music in the background, then CHOMP!!! Hahahahahaha.  
  
Gilraen Ar-Feiniel – No, it's really not necessary. I'm kinda wishing this could just be a completely separate story, because it's going to be more serious than the last one...  
  
One of your many fans – Many fans? That's news to me... Yes, he still has Stabby... I wonder whether Legolas gave his bow a name? Like... Pingy?  
  
Eowyn Skywalker – (laughs as she reads the form) Thanks very much! Glad you liked it!  
  
Elderberry – Hmm, Will try to be knighted? Now that could be an interesting plotline... I think it was King George at that time, but I can't be sure... there were a lot of King George's at that era, so chances are it was...  
  
Woundup Orange – Yes, I know, I'm lovely... (basks in praise)  
  
Ieva – Thanks!  
  
Terreis – Same way Elizabeth did. Thought of blacksmith, and alliteration was the first thing that came to my head.  
  
Alteng – I could never forget the bead fairies! They're so... beady!  
  
She-elf-hunnie – Hmm, it'll probably be random and reasonably funny... interesting however...  
  
Pirate-strumpet – Jack goodness! Jack goodness is always... good! Ahem. 


	3. Many Meetings

Hi! I'm sorry, but this chapter's, um, a little short – but the next one is longer, I promise! And to make up for it, I'm writing everybody callouts, even though I should be doing Chemistry homework! There! Aren't I lovely? (no sound but a train going past) Hello?  
  
Chapter 3 – Many meetings  
  
It took considerable effort for Will to drag Jack away from the burning pub, but in the end he managed to drag into an alleyway. He was closely followed by Elizabeth and the others. As soon as Jack could no longer see the flames, it seemed that he came out of a sort of daze; he shook his head and took charge.  
  
"Elizabeth, we'll find some of the pirates," he said, "You go up to them and chances are, they'll capture you."  
  
"Oh brilliant," said Elizabeth sarcastically, "I'm sure you won't blame me if I'm not over enthusiastic."  
  
"No, but THEN we come and rescue you," said Will, "Right Jack?"  
  
"Uh... yes," said Jack, nodding rapidly, "That was the next bit of the plan. I was just coming to that. Yes." He smiled in what he must of thought was a reassuring way, but actually looked rather worrying.  
  
Before Elizabeth could argue some more, some pirates went running past along the street adjoining to their alleyway. Helen hastily shoved Elizabeth out of the alleyway and straight into them. Will turned and looked at her disbelievingly; she shrugged and stepped forward so that she could hear better. Will was about to protest, but Jack shook his head at him and signalled for him to be quiet.  
  
"Who are you?" said the pirates in confusion – after all, a girl had just come rocketing out of nowhere straight into them.  
  
"I – uh -" said Elizabeth, momentarily distracted by her indignation at being shoved out without any warning, "I am, uh, a damsel in distress!" she said quickly. Will shook his head and wondered that she had ever managed to convince Barbossa that her name was Elizabeth Turner.  
  
"You don't look like you're in much distress," said one of the pirates, looking vaguely baffled.  
  
"I, um..." said Elizabeth, aware that this was going badly. Suddenly she was struck by inspiration. "You know, I would say parley, but you, um, fine fellows, are obviously wise enough to make decisions without your captain's, um, guidance," she said sweetly. Jack raised an eyebrow, looking slightly impressed.  
  
"Really?" said the pirates, some looking touched, the others more suspicious.  
  
"Of course," said Elizabeth hastily, "In fact, uh – can I join your crew?"  
  
The pirates looked at each other and shrugged. "Don't see why not," said one of them.  
  
"But it's bad luck to have a woman on board-" said one of them, who actually looked remarkably like Mr Gibbs.  
  
"Not necessarily," said another one, "Didn't you hear about Jack Sparrow? A mainly female crew, and he managed to succeed on another quest only a few days ago. Maybe female crews are the way to go nowadays."  
  
"Yeah, well, on the quest before that, one of the women brought him nothing but trouble," argued another, "Don't you remember? Stole the cursed object AGAIN, told them to chuck all the ammunition overboard when they were being chased – I mean, how stupid can you get?"  
  
Elizabeth seemed to be struggling to keep her temper under control. "They still succeeded, didn't they?"  
  
"From what I heard, Jack nearly got hanged because of it," said another pirate.  
  
"Anyway, what are we looking for?" said Elizabeth quickly, "Uh, gold? Jewels? Rum?"  
  
The pirates laughed. "No," they said, "We've been told to look for someone. Some girl. Apparently the captain wants a word with her."  
  
"Some girl?" said Elizabeth, feeling steadily more nervous, "Any idea how we're supposed to recognize her?"  
  
"Well," said another pirate, "She's supposed to be very skilled at some craft or something. We're supposed to keep an eye out for her cousin as well. Apparently they make little dolls out of beads."  
  
"Cirfia!" whispered Will hurriedly to Jack, who looked increasingly worried.  
  
"Why are does the captain want to talk to her?" said Elizabeth, also worried.  
  
The pirates shrugged. "How should we know? Anyway, let's get looking. You coming?" he added, looking at Elizabeth.  
  
"Uhh..." said Elizabeth, "I'm... just going to go and get something. I'll meet the boat down at the docks, all right?"  
  
"Whatever," said the pirates, and ran off through the streets into the darkness. Elizabeth watched them go, then raced back to the alleyway, where Will gave her a hug.  
  
"You managed to convince the pirates of something and then escape?" said Anamaria, "That's a change."  
  
"Why are they looking for Cirfia?" said Tobias in alarm. In the short time they'd been on the same crew, they'd made quite good friends, especially when Cirfia gave him a bead fairy.  
  
"Whatever the reason, we've got to help," said Will, getting his heroic face again, making Tanuki roll his eyes in despair. "Does anyone know where she lives?"  
  
"We do!" came some voices out of the darkness behind them. They all turned round rapidly. Some girls stepped out towards them. Jack recognized them immediately.  
  
"Kathryn!" he said happily, "Jackie! Frankie! Gemma!"  
  
"What are you doing here?" asked Mro in surprise.  
  
"We saw Norrington," said Kathryn, "We didn't know why else he'd be here unless you were here to, so we came looking for you."  
  
"Oh no," said Will, eyeing Frankie nervously – on their previous adventure, Frankie had spent most of it unashamedly flirting with him.  
  
"Oh, don't worry," said Frankie flippantly, "I'm over you. No need to fret your little meerkat head."  
  
Everyone took a step back away from her, looking scared. "I know, it's a miracle," said Gemma.  
  
"Time to marvel at the mysteries of the universe later," said Jack, "Where does Cirfia live then?"  
  
"Near the edge of town," said Jackie, thrilled to be back with her namesake, "She lived there alone. She had a shop there or something."  
  
"Alone?" said Elizabeth in surprise, raising an eyebrow.  
  
"Well, yes," said Gemma, "Didn't you talk to her at all on the boat?"  
  
"Not about anything except bead fairies," shrugged Elizabeth, "That's all she seemed to mention."  
  
"Well, yes, she lives there alone," said Frankie, "She went back there when Norrington's men dropped us off – I'm guessing she's still there. It's at the base of the mountain."  
  
Will glanced into the air. Smoke was rising from nearly everywhere in the town; but none yet from near the mountains. "We still have time," he said, "Quick!"  
  
***  
  
Again, I'm sorry it's so short.... (ducks various projectiles from readers who feel they've been cheated) Ow! Ow! OW!!! Hey, that one was POINTED!!  
  
Elderberry – Really? That's so weird! Jack Davenport's been in way more films! I saw him in 'The Talented Mr Ripley' the other day... it's so weird...  
  
mronimusha - I have no idea, I'm guessing she is... Never met her myself... I'll ask. Plundering ahoy! Huzzah!  
  
Theshiz – You know what? I think it is. (runs to find somewhere she can fit it into a chapter) If you don't mind, of course.  
  
Elf with a lightsaber – I got absolutely tons of forms. I don't know how many altogether... over twenty, I think. I've chosen about six people so far, not counting some of those who were in the original story. You were one of them, by the way – your form was just too interesting to resist!  
  
One of your many fans – (reddens) I don't get THAT many... Thanks anyway! And Helen would never burn the pub – where would the rum live?  
  
Tanuki Yasha – I did say that she raised an eyebrow in the last chapter! Try searching for 'raising'. And she definitely raises an eyebrow in this chapter, I remember because I deliberately put it in!  
  
TBI – It's not too late! Send it in send it in send it in!!!  
  
Laraeliae Black – It's very difficult to write in the mind of Jack and make it as funny as he is on screen because it's partly Johnny Depp's acting that makes it so brilliant. So just picture Jack Sparrow-esque actions with what he says.  
  
Feaelin Greenleaf – I still haven't made the absolute final decisions, but I'll think about it, I really will. But if you don't get in, please keep reading, it promises to be lots of fun. Please? *hobbit-eyes* Oh wait, this is a POTC fic, isn't it? Um... *will turner-eyes*  
  
Gilraen Ar-Feiniel – Don't worry, plenty more Will-torturing to come. He loses his shirt in the next chapter... (evil smile)  
  
Pirate-strumpet – Know what you mean there. I got into trouble in Chemistry because instead of doing the experiment, I was setting things alight and accidentally ignited all the paper in the bin... there were actual flames coming out of it...  
  
Beloved Fool – Yes, I know, and I hope you're slightly cheered up now after shoving Elizabeth into a group of pirates. And mro wants to know if you're reasonably hot.  
  
Alteng – But everyone in the film looks Georgian. And Port Royal was rebuilt after the earthquake, because it's still around today and it was a port shortly afterwards again. Who knows? I assumed it was 18th century. Anyway, never mind.  
  
Im a Brandybuck – Have you calmed down slightly yet? No? Well, can't blame you.  
  
Terreis – Yees, comforted... (nudge nudge wink wink) (nudges harder when ignored) (NUDGE NUDGE NUDGE) (hits Will around the head) LOOK AT ME WHEN I'M NUDGING YOU, DAGNABBIT!!!  
  
Hyper-Elf – Well, I don't think she IS evil. And besides, she's my clone, so I can't be too evil to her, can I?  
  
CrazedElfStalker – Umm, no. Sorry. I'll see if she can get a little burnt later though, maybe.  
  
Tobias – It would be great if you could send the form in, it would make me writing you a whole lot easier. Thanks.  
  
See you all soon! 


	4. They're THE bead fairies?

New chapter! You finally find out what the hell is going on in this one. And also, next chapter the new people are introduced! So enjoy!  
  
Chapter 4 – They're THE bead fairies?  
  
Cirfia woke up suddenly. She thought she'd heard noises outside. She lay there for a moment, listening hard; there was silence. Suddenly she heard it again; muffled explosions in the distance. Leaping out of bed, she ran towards the door, but before she could get there she heard her door breaking in, and pounding footsteps up the stairs. Instinctively she reached for her sword and her small bag of favourite belongings, where she kept them beside her bed, and raced to the window.  
  
Before she could get to it, her bedroom door was thrown open from the other side. Several pirates ran into the room. "There she is!" shouted one of them. Cirfia needed no more encouragement; she jumped out the window. When she'd been on Jack's ship, Will had taught her how to do this with considerable style, so she did a quick somersault on the way down before landing on her feet and immediately running down the street.  
  
She heard pirates running behind her; thinking quickly, slashed the support from under a platform of barrels, sending them all tumbling onto the pursuing pirates. Satisfied by the shouts of anger and pain from behind her, she continued to run.  
  
She turned a corner; standing in front of her was a large crowd of pirates. Angrily she drew her sword; but before she had a chance to start fighting, a figure came swinging out of the darkness of the windows above and grabbed onto her, and swinging back up again, let go of the rope and swung into the room beyond, pulling her with him. In surprise, she looked up off the floor as the person who'd pulled her in rolled away from her, grumbling something.  
  
"Jack!" she said in surprise, looking up at the person extending a hand to help her up, "What are you – what -"  
  
"Being a hero is painful," said Will, getting off the floor and wincing, "Couldn't we at least have chosen a room with rugs on the floor?"  
  
"Come on, we'd better get somewhere safer," said Elizabeth, "Those pirates may be stupid enough to be cursed, but they're not so stupid that they can't deduce where you went."  
  
"Wouldn't be so sure," said Jack, "They believed your acting..."  
  
***  
  
Quickly the motley crew hurried through the streets of Tortuga, keeping in the areas where there were already fires; as Gemma deduced, being probably the smartest one there, if the pirates had already been there, chances were that they wouldn't be looking there again. "She's wonderful," said Jack, throwing his arm around her, "Marvellous."  
  
"Please don't tell me you're going to start flirting again," said Gemma exasperatedly. Jack glanced at Will, who mouthed, "We'll discuss it later."  
  
Elizabeth was keen on talking to Cirfia about pirate-evading techniques, but she seemed more worried about what had been happening. "What was all that about?" asked Will as they ran along.  
  
"I think I know," said Jack, "But we'll talk about it when we get back to the ship."  
  
"Back to the ship?" said Kathryn excitedly, "We're off on another quest?"  
  
"Looks like it," sighed Will. Elizabeth beamed.  
  
Jack decided that the best way to keep Cirfia hidden was to give her Will's shirt. Will protested against this loudly, but when a man is suddenly pounced upon by several teenage girls, it's damn tricky to keep your shirt on.  
  
"Is that really going help?" said Elizabeth, raising an eyebrow as Will was stripped forcefully of his shirt.  
  
"Don't worry, Will," said Jack, handing the shirt over to Cirfia to put over her head, "You can get it back soon."  
  
"What am I supposed to wear until then?" said Will, standing shirtless and drawing many glances from girls in the streets. Elizabeth glared right back at them.  
  
"I'm sure you'll manage just fine," said Jack, giving him a smile and seemingly trying not to laugh. They hurried on through the streets. When they got near the harbour, Tobias and Will went on ahead to see whether the pirate ship was still there. "It's gone," they said when they came back again, but didn't seem to look too happy about it.  
  
"Great. Where's the Dauntless?" asked Jack.  
  
"That's just it," said Will exasperatedly, "It's chasing after it."  
  
The others ran out into the open and saw the Dauntless chasing after the pirate's galleon, firing on it and receiving return fire. "Boys and their toys," sighed Elizabeth.  
  
"Never mind," said Jack gallantly, "We'll just go on the Black Pearl. Quicker that way."  
  
"Fastest ship in the Caribbean!" cheered Kathryn, Frankie, Gemma, Jackie and Cirfia.  
  
"Can I make a suggestion?" said Mort, "Shouldn't we get more crewmembers? It seems that this quest is going to be a big one."  
  
"Wonderful suggestion," said Jack, before Will could protest, "Especially girls. Don't seem to be all that many on my crew so far."  
  
"More girls?" said Will fearfully.  
  
"Yes, more girls," said Mro eagerly.  
  
"I know some people," said Helen, "If you give me tonight, I'll have us a crew by tomorrow morning. That should be plenty of time to overtake the pirates' ship."  
  
It was agreed; Helen left to get a crew together with Mort and Mr Gibbs, and the others stayed behind to hear what was going on from Cirfia. They went aboard the Black Pearl and Jack broke out the rum - although he seemed very protective of it, so no-one took more than one bottle.  
  
"So why are the pirates looking for you?" said Elizabeth, "Treasure? Are you somebody's daughter?"  
  
"Er, duh?" said Frankie, "She's going to be SOMEBODY'S daughter!"  
  
"You know what I mean," grumbled Elizabeth.  
  
"Actually, it's because of the bead fairies," said Cirfia sadly.  
  
"... Bead fairies?" said Anamaria, looking utterly confused.  
  
"The bead fairies," said Jack, looking unusually thoughtful, "The bead fairies of Mordre Cave."  
  
"What?" said Tanuki, "They're THE bead fairies?"  
  
"My father was in a pirate crew who looked for the treasure of Mordre Cave," explained Cirfia, "They managed to enter it and find the treasure within. They took some with them, planning to come back for the rest. But on the way back, the ship was attacked by navy sailors, and all of the pirates were taken prisoner. But my father managed to escape the jail."  
  
"How?" asked Will, always keen to pick up tips.  
  
"I let him out," said Jack. Everyone turned to stare at him. "He was a friend of mine, and I heard that he was in a pickle, so..."  
  
"What happened after that?" asked Jackie.  
  
"I don't know," shrugged Cirfia, "I thought that they'd all been hanged. That's what my father told me."  
  
"Evidently not," said Mro.  
  
"No," said Jack, "They all managed to escape as well – prison cells in Port Royal are amazingly badly constructed. Terrible craftsmanship, I'd say."  
  
"Lucky the person who built them isn't within earshot," said Will sulkily. Kathryn took it upon herself to give him a commiserating hug, as none of the others seemed too interested in Will any more.  
  
"But what does this have to do with them looking for you?" said Tobias, "Is it revenge, or-"  
  
"Partly that," sighed Cirfia, "And partly the fact that they need something my father had to get back into the treasure cave. The treasure they had taken was confiscated by the navy."  
  
"Used to buy wigs, no doubt," said Elizabeth to Will with a smile. He nodded.  
  
"And since my father was killed, it was passed onto me," continued Cirfia, "And they need it to get back in."  
  
"Bead fairies," said Gemma. Cirfia nodded.  
  
"What about the bead fairies you gave us?" asked Frankie, "Were they some of the actual ones needed?"  
  
"Well, if you look at them, there's one gold bead in each fairy," said Cirfia. Frankie, Gemma, Kathryn, Jackie, Mro, Tobias and Tanuki all pulled theirs out. Indeed, they did all have one gold bead in them. "They're all from the original bead fairy. I took it apart and stitched one bead into each fairy I made."  
  
"Who did you give them to?" asked Jack sharply.  
  
"I gave some to some of the old crew," said Cirfia worriedly, "Everyone here, and Hanna and Diana. You know, the two debutantes from Rum Island?"  
  
"So they're the only ones with beads from the original fairy?"  
  
"Well, my cousin has some too, actually. Eos. She's a maid on Rum Island – in the same house as Hanna and Diana, actually. Isn't that weird?"  
  
"Most peculiar," said Jack, "Right. We need to sail to Rum Island. Chances are that's where the pirates are headed – since they couldn't find you there, they'll go for your cousin, savvy? And if she's in the same house as Diana and Hanna, and they also have bead fairies-"  
  
"What?" said Tanuki, "Diana's in danger?" He and Diana had got together at the end of their last quest, and their parting had been an emotional one, that sadly was beyond this author's ability to write. But he'd promised to come back and kidnap her one day.  
  
"Could be," said Will, getting the look in his eyes which he got when he could see chances to be dashing and swashbuckling on the horizon, "So we need to get there before the pirates do."  
  
"If we leave right after we've got a new crew, we'll arrive there just after the pirates do," said Jack, "We've got the faster ship, and they'll be damaged after the battle with Norrington. And it'll probably be safer that way – if we overtake them, we could be up at the house when they arrive, and if they find Cirfia – well, it wouldn't be good," he finished.  
  
Everyone sat in silence after this talk, and the mood of the quest was slightly less frivolous than the previous one. Jack noticed this. "Well, all that talking has put me in the mood for a little drink," he said, getting unsteadily to his feet, "Who else wants one?"  
  
***  
  
Yes, yes, Mordre Cave, I know, unoriginal, but it was late and that was the best I could come up with...  
  
Tanuki Yasha – Was slightly tricky to fit Elizabeth raising her eyebrows into this chapter, but I managed it! NYA HA!  
  
Feaelin Greenleaf – I'm sorry, but I couldn't take everyone. I'm sure you'd make a brilliant pirate! May I suggest starting piracy in your own time? Me and my friends are planning on hanging a pirate flag from our school roof. Sorry!  
  
Terreis – Yes, I got your form, and you're in! It was most... interesting... and yes, Frankie is actually over Will. I was as shocked as you are. The world of the Caribbean is turning upside down...  
  
Elf with a Lightsaber - You are pretty much the only person I know who's a Star Wars fan... the only reason my friend watches Episode II when she comes round is because of Hayden Christainson. I don't even know if that's how you spell it... You know, one of my friend's mum's friends sang for the soundtrack of Star Wars?  
  
Reasonably Crazy – I know what you mean about not being able to be properly hyper in school. I get looked at confusedly – on Friday, a clown dress-up day, me and my friend came dressed as people from the Matrix to be different, and a girl told us we were an embarrassment to the year! Friendly, huh? You squee! You squee and be PROUD! Only someone secure with themselves can squee!  
  
Chinese_eyes – Tanuki and Diana are my source of romance (Jack and Will flirting with Gemma don't count) and they'll be back together soon enough.  
  
Im a Brandybuck – Well, you're such a cool character anyway... besides, I can e-mail you for information! Huzzah! Glad you're feeling better!  
  
Alteng – I know, she's not evil, I don't know why everyone says she is. Besides, she's basically me, so... am I evil? Possibly... I mean, I am planning on conquering the world with my army of Wob-Wobs and cute things with big ears... OK, I know this is an incredibly, incredibly strange question, but are you a guy or a girl? I couldn't tell from your form, and had a long debate as to what would be stranger, me asking you or putting you as the wrong one in the story...  
  
One of your many fans – Wow... that is actually a lot. Whoa. WHOA. WHOOOAAAAA. (freaks out)  
  
Gilraen Ar-Feiniel – Hmm... maybe later.  
  
Pirate-strumpet – Hmm, I could try. He is very cool. Sorta like a POTC Figwit... except not hot. But then I don't find Figwit hot, so never mind. What can we call him? Jicasih? Jack is cool and so is he? No... hmmm...  
  
Beloved Fool – Cinameg proportions? Different...  
  
Theshiz – Wow, cool! You should have waited to see if it turned skeletal in moonlight!  
  
Cirfia – No, you didn't give her one. And you're not a loner, it's a PLOT DEVICE. Wait, no it's not. It's not anything. Dagnabbit.  
  
Elderberry – Euuurgh. Don't remind me of those horrible words. (shudder)  
  
CrazedElfStalker – I try to make my chapters all the same length, but it doesn't go too well. Good to know that you didn't find it too short.  
  
See you soon! 


	5. Another 'able bodied' crew?

Hi! Since I was in such a good updating mood, I thought I'd be nice and give you this chapter as well. And also, if any of you have advice on which LOTR sword I should ask for for my birthday, then do tell me. In this chapter most of the new characters are introduced – I'm really sorry to everyone who didn't get in, but I had so many applicants! I took more than I first expected to, there were so many! I had no idea that this story was so popular... anyway, again, sorry to people who didn't get in. I hope you continue to read and enjoy this story anyway!  
  
Chapter 5 – Another 'able-bodied' crew?  
  
"Look!" said Helen excitedly, gesturing to the bunch of people standing on the quay. She'd raced up the gangplank only seconds before and woken everyone up from a rum-induced slumber – Jack had not been happy at all. But now she'd dragged everyone up on deck, with the help of Mort. "See? Leave me one night, and I find you the best crew there is in the Caribbean!"  
  
Elizabeth squinted at the group of people. "They're all girls," she said disappointedly.  
  
"Uh, I'm not," said a voice in the middle of the group. A boy stepped forward. Jack looked at him.  
  
"You're Jack Cole, aren't you?"  
  
"Uh, yes," said Jack Cole, looking slightly unnerved.  
  
"Knew your father," said Jack, "Good pirate, that man. And I hear you've been doing a little pirating for yourself?"  
  
"Just a bit," said Jack Cole smiling.  
  
"First Jack Sparrow, then Jackie, now another Jack?" said Frankie in desperation to Gemma, "How are we going to keep up with it all?" She was interrupted by a squealing flash hurling itself upon her. Once it had slowed down to less than the speed of light, and stopped trying to hug her to death, she recognized her as Alex. "ALEX! You came!!"  
  
"Oh no, they're back together..." said Will fearfully.  
  
"And we're louder than ever!!" said Alex, looking scarily evil.  
  
"And, ahem, the saner crewmembers are?" asked Elizabeth, surveying this group of girls on the quayside, most eyeing Will or Jack or even Mort, Mro, Tanuki and Tobias with interest.  
  
"I'm Liza," said one of the girls.  
  
"Is that short for Elizabeth?" asked Elizabeth interestedly.  
  
Liza pulled out a sword. "If anyone mentions that again, they die," she said angrily. Elizabeth backed away.  
  
"No kidding! I'm called Liz!" said a girl next to her. Liza cheered and high-fived her.  
  
"Liz? Is that name short for Eliza-" began Will.  
  
"TSH!" said Liz, glaring, then seemingly getting a better look at him and breaking into a smile. Will looked alarmed.  
  
"And what about you?" he asked another one of the girls, who seemed to have a blue ball of fluff on her shoulder. "And what is THAT?"  
  
"I'm Bulma," she said, looking up defensively at him, "And this is not a THAT, it is a WOB-WOB."  
  
"What the hell is a Wob-Wob?" said Anamaria.  
  
"That," said Bulma, pointing at the blue ball of fur on her shoulder.  
  
"Oh yes, Wob-Wobs," said Jack. He noticed Will looking at him confusedly. "What? Came across them in my travels. They're from one of the smaller regions of Holland, not good at much but are incredible at playing tic-tac- toe. I knew a pirate who had one – good man, went by the name of Wazinski, had a hilarious little brother, now here's a funny story-"  
  
"Save it," advised Will.  
  
"Don't interrupt him," said one of the girls, glaring, "That's wrong on so many levels."  
  
"And you are?" said Elizabeth.  
  
"Terreis," she said, "And don't take that tone with me, young lady, I'm older than you, savvy?" Elizabeth blinked.  
  
"I like her," said Jack gleefully, throwing her a bottle of rum.  
  
"What about you two?" Will asked the last two girls hurriedly, seeing Elizabeth's murderous glare at Jack.  
  
"I'm Elderberry, and this is Eowyn," said one of the older girls, gesturing to the younger looking girl at her side, who was waving her sword around making 'vwoom'ing noises.  
  
"What's she doing?" whispered Will. Elderberry shrugged.  
  
"Well, time to get underway," said Jack, spotting Tanuki and Tobias staggering back from the shops, laden with large caskets of rum, "Now that we've got our new crew and supplies. Everyone to the Black Pearl!" He downed the last of the rum in his bottle and threw it over his head; it hit a seagull, which fell into the sea with a loud squawk. "Whoops."  
  
"That's not more foreshadowing, is it?" asked Will worriedly.  
  
"It's a conspiracy!" said Eowyn suddenly and so dramatically that it made Will jump slightly.  
  
"What is?" asked Frankie.  
  
Eowyn looked at her, still with a dramatic facial expression. "Seagulls." Gemma backed away worriedly, but Frankie beamed, having found a kindred spirit.  
  
***  
  
They set out from Tortuga as soon as all the rum was loaded on board. Those already on the crew from the previous adventure were making friends with those who had just joined and bringing them up to speed with their quest this time.  
  
Eowyn had immediately been accepted by Frankie, as she seemed to be just as strange as she was; Gemma was admired by half of the new crew for being able to resist both Jack AND Will, but she herself had made friends with Bulma, having been captivated by the sheer cuteness of her Wob-Wob.  
  
Jackie was forming a Jack club, so far consisting of her and Jack Cole, and Jack Sparrow if she could convince him, and meanwhile Liz and Liza were forming an Elizabeth club – they had been reluctant to let Elizabeth join, but had in the end. Kathryn and Jackie were also reminiscing over their previous adventure, and remembering the lovely experience of drinking an entire poolful of rum. Terreis and Liza were making friends, because they were united in both being older than most of the crew and an adoration of Jack Sparrow (but of course, they weren't alone in this)  
  
Helen was quickly befriending Mro, Tobias and Tanuki, having heard so much about them from her brother Mort, and they'd quickly accepted Jack Cole into their group. On a ship where the ratio of teen girls to boys was 2:1, they found that they had to stick together or go mad.  
  
Jack and Will however had met at the end of the ship at the beginning of the voyage and brought up the subject of their little bet on the last quest. Both seemed to believe that if they had had a little longer, they would have persuaded Gemma to like them – and both were so firm in this belief that they decided that they would try again. "But remember," said Jack, "No informing Gemma of this bet."  
  
"And try not to scare her this time," said Will, "Don't you remember when you accidentally made Alex drop her off the edge of the ship?"  
  
"I meant to do that," said Jack defensively.  
  
"Hey! Will!" called Eowyn. Will went over, feeling slightly apprehensive. "Watch. I can move things without touching them."  
  
"Really?" said Will, momentarily relieved that this girl seemingly didn't like him in that way, "How?"  
  
"Watch." She went up to the deck, where Jack was looking over the prow of the boat towards where Rum Island would be appearing on the horizon. She left it on the deck behind him, then went back to Will. "I bet that in one minute, that bottle will have moved, and not due to waves."  
  
As they watched, Jack turned round, saw the bottle and immediately grabbed onto it, an expression of confused delight on his face, and drank half of it in one go and then walked back to the wheel of the ship, still holding onto it. Eowyn looked at Will triumphantly.  
  
"But – that doesn't count-" said Will.  
  
"Why? I didn't touch it after setting it down, and I didn't tell Jack to do anything. Ergo, I moved it without touching it. I win! Pay up!"  
  
"What did we bet?" said Will bewilderedly.  
  
"Umm... a sword."  
  
"Oh! OK!" said Will relievedly, "Which one do you want?"  
  
"Umm – that one," said Eowyn, pointing to one labelled 'The Stabmeister'.  
  
"Oooh! Can I have one?" said Liz, walking over, "I've always wanted a sword."  
  
"Haven't you already got one?" asked Will.  
  
"Well, it's not much good," said Liz, pulling it out of the scabbard, "I mean, look-"  
  
"Oh dear, oh dear oh dear oh dear," said Will, taking it and looking critical, "This is terrible handiwork, I mean, look at the bad balance of the blade, and it's bad quality metal – where on earth did you get this?"  
  
"I ordered it from some blacksmith in Port Royal," said Liz. Most of the crew looked up at Will to see how he reacted. He seemed to be fighting to keep an expression of indifference on his face.  
  
"Must have been Mr Jones who made it," he said airily, and handed Liz a new sword. She took it eagerly and started swishing it around.  
  
"Jack, are you sure about this?" said Mr Gibbs, coming up to him as he stood at the wheel of the ship, "One woman on board's unlucky, but isn't fifteen pushing your luck slightly?"  
  
"Don't worry, Gibbsy," said Jack reassuringly, "There'll be eighteen on board if all goes well at Rum Island. Save your worrying for then."  
  
***  
  
Im a Brandybuck – Ugh. Cough drops. Ugh. UGH. Yes, for a brief while, you were the only girl on the ship besides Elizabeth who liked Will. Sadly, you now have competition again.  
  
TBI – Beads are underappreciated! After this, people will never think of beads in the same way again!! MWAHAHAHAHA!!!!  
  
Tanuki Yasha – Hello, not suicidal. I could never do that to Jack Sparrow! And only, like, a little bit of gold... and you don't need it, your girlfriend's a debutante!  
  
Quietly Making Noise – Sorry that you didn't get in. There were just too many applicants to let everyone in. Again, really sorry. (gives muffins to apologize) I hope you'll keep reading anyway!  
  
Elf with a Lightsaber – Anakin, YES, definitely. Obi-Wan, hmm, I guess. But LUKE? Too much like Frodo Baggins!! "Your uncle wanted you to have this when you were old enough." "It's a Ring!" "You must go to the Dagobah system and cast it back into Yoda's stew pot from whence it came!"  
  
Theshiz – Yes, I wonder why... hmmm... is it because of the excellent lighting?  
  
Pirate-strumpet - *ack chock* MR COTTON?? And tell your sister that Geoffrey Rush is in a film with Pierce Brosnan and Jamie Lee Curtis, and in it he takes his shirt off. I discovered that rather unwillingly tonight.  
  
One of your many fans – I have fans... that's so weird... I'm fifteen and I have fans???  
  
Hobbit Hugger – You've never seen it before? I've seen enough of it to last a lifetime... I got stuck on a bus on a hill in a blizzard for about four hours, and ended up walking a mile or so downhill STILL in the blizzard to get to my friend's house. Carrying my schoolbag and biology folder, possibly the heaviest folder ever. And also helped in trying to push the bus up the hill in the meantime, and was nearly squashed by it. Yes, I'm not too fond of snow.  
  
CrazedElfStalker – I don't know, because I don't know your real name. Sorry. If you did, congrats! Enjoy the ride! If not, sorry, take the conciliatory basket of muffins.  
  
Gilraen Ar-Feiniel – Then you've come to the right author.  
  
Alteng – Ah. Right. Clarified it slightly for me. Sorry, I've made the mistake before of assuming someone was a girl. And they didn't just complain, they called me an embarrassment! Ah well, they've never liked me anyway.  
  
Elderberry – Thank you. But I have to revise Chemistry anyway... damn GCSEs... 'Alkaline metals have only one electron in their outer shells and react very violently with acids, because of the fact they contain positive hydrogen ions'... Who cares? People who like mixing alkaline metals with acids, I guess...  
  
Terreis – Complicated... that's a very good way to describe me... actually, no it's not. I'm a LOTR obsessed girl/hobbit. Who likes swords. Er... that's it. (sound of crickets chirruping)  
  
Lady Shinimegami – I only ever saw that one episode. Sorry. But I'm guessing they defeated the pirates and got to go home, as it was on a children's channel. Was Mars the island boy with the brown curly hair? Hmm... may have to agree with you there...  
  
Reasonably Crazy – (gasp) Jealousy. JEALOUSY. Howard Shore? AND ROTK??? Some people have all the luck!  
  
1100100101101011100000101100010101001 – All answers to queries will be published in a follow-up Smith manual, coming soon.  
  
Hyper-Elf – I don't know what it has to do with anything either. Who cares? Without randomness, the world is too predictable.  
  
Bulma Greenleaf – Hope you liked your appearance! And the Wob-Wob! If they don't normally fit on your shoulder, then this is a mini-Wob-Wob. What contribution could the Wob-Wob make to the crew?  
  
Happy Easter, by the way! 


	6. The rescue begins

Hi everyone! Sorry I haven't updated this in a while, but I've been busy, what with going camping and acting in plays which I'd only got the script for a week beforehand and only had three hours rehearsal. I got to wear a cape! And act being on a sea voyage with the POTC soundtrack playing! Very cool. I also got to spread my madness to the world! (Well, Faversham, anyway. Actually, the people in Faversham who have nothing better to do on a Saturday night than come and watch my drama club.) I did a news report on the death of Humpty Dumpty, like my story 'Was Humpty pushed?', and people laughed! Yay! Anyway, here's the next chapter!  
  
Chapter 6 – The rescue begins  
  
By nightfall the Black Pearl had sailed into Rum Island harbour. For the rest of that afternoon Jack, Will and the rest of the old crew had taught the 'newbies', as Jack had dubbed them, how to sword fight. They were yet to discover why Eowyn made 'vwoom'ing noises when fighting, but, as Will pointed out, they'd never quite understood Mako's talent for throwing spoons either.  
  
Looking up into the town, it was pretty obvious that the pirates had already arrived. Fires were burning all over town, and about every five seconds the fire would reach an area with rum and there would be a small explosion. Jack flinched at every one.  
  
"Now," said Jack, taking charge before Will could, "Who knows where Diana, Hanna and Eos live?"  
  
"Maybe there?" said Terreis, pointing up to a massive house on the seafront. Elizabeth raised her eyebrows, and Will's mouth fell open.  
  
"No! They live up there!" said Jackie, pointing up to an even bigger house halfway up a hill inland.  
  
"What?" said Will in shock.  
  
"No, that's still the wrong house," said Frankie, "THAT'S their house." Everyone on the boat raised their eyes to the top of the hill, where a house was perched. Elderberry didn't know what surprised her most; the size of the house, or the fact that Elizabeth could still look yet more surprised.  
  
"It's even bigger than your house, Elizabeth!" said Jack, "Looks like you went after the wrong debutante, Will."  
  
"I hope you're not meaning Diana," said Tanuki, glaring.  
  
"Oh, that's right! Diana's your girlfriend, isn't she?" said Gemma.  
  
"I'm sure you won't forget your old crew when you finally leave piracy, will you Tanuki? Eh? Eh?" said Jack hopefully.  
  
"Would you prefer gold or rum?" sighed Tanuki, "Diana's parents made their money from the rum trade."  
  
Jack's eyes widened. "Both?"  
  
"Uh, hello?" said Mro, "Three girls, on the point of being captured by some very nasty pirates? Two of which are available?"  
  
"Right, right," said Jack, shaking himself out of a daydream, "Well, I did try to come up with some complicated plan, but they're not really my forte. So we run up there, try to stop the pirates capturing those three. Split into three teams, one for each girl."  
  
There was a bit of bustle, but in the end they'd organized themselves. Team Diana, comprised of Tanuki, Gemma, Terreis, Liza, Jackie and Jack Cole, and led by Will; Team Hanna, comprised of Frankie, Bulma, Elderberry, Tobias and Mro, and led by Elizabeth and Anamaria; and team Eos, comprised of Alex, Eowyn, Liz, Kathryn, Mort and Helen, and led by Jack. They split up as they entered the harbour, agreeing that they would meet up back at the ship, and points would be awarded for efficiency and any rum recovered at the same time (Jack's suggestion). The prize for the team with the most points was yet to be decided.  
  
"Remember," said Jack, as the crew lined up to collect new swords from Will (the ones he 'commandeered' from the blacksmiths in Port Royal) "Should you get into trouble, what's the magic word?"  
  
"Parley!" they all chorused.  
  
"And what do you say to the captain?"  
  
"Are you interested in long-term liability insurance?"  
  
"Very good."  
  
***  
  
"Diana, would you come away from the window?" said Hanna for what seemed the millionth time, "If Tanuki was coming to kidnap you, he wouldn't come up the front drive, would he?"  
  
"It's not my fault, my room doesn't face the back garden," said Diana grumpily.  
  
Suddenly their maid, Eos, came running in. "There's pirates!" she said fearfully, "There's pirates, they've just landed in the harbour! They're heading this way!"  
  
"Nice pirates?" said Diana hopefully. Eos shook her head. "Damn. Now where did I put my sword?"  
  
Hanna pulled out the box from under the bed and pulled out the two swords that Will had given them on their last adventure. "Should I get the oil and wood as well?" she asked hopefully.  
  
"I don't know whether you'll need to bother setting things alight, Miss Hanna, the pirates are doing that anyway," said Eos, looking out the window.  
  
They heard raucous shouting, raucous singing, raucous cursing – basically, they were a rather raucous ruckus – coming up the drive. Suddenly it stopped, and they heard someone pounding on the door. "I'll get it!" said Hanna cheerfully.  
  
"Uh, I wouldn't if I were you," said Diana. She quickly passed a sword to Eos as well and they crept quietly out onto the landing. Luckily their servants seemed to be more sensible than the ones in Elizabeth's house, and had already run out the back door instead of answering the front one. Quickly they ran along the landing to a room facing the back garden.  
  
"What would Elizabeth do in this situation?" asked Hanna.  
  
"Probably run to confront them, then change her mind and run the other way, and then be captured," said Diana.  
  
"Which means we should try and run away, then turn and fight if we have to," agreed Hanna. They reached the window and were about to climb out of it when they heard voices in the garden.  
  
"There's more pirates down there!" whispered Eos. They all backed away from the window, but then they heard the front door breaking in. "What do we do now?"  
  
Hanna was still looking out the window. These pirates seemed slightly odd. "Team Hanna!" one of them was hissing and clicking her fingers in the air, "Over here!"  
  
"No, you don't get their attention like THAT," argued another one of them, "You're supposed to have set up a signalling system. Like an owl call or something."  
  
"I can't DO bird calls," argued the other one back. The rest of them had assembled by now and were watching this with interest.  
  
"Look! Isn't that Hanna up there?" said one of the boys in the group, pointing up at the window. The two apparent leaders stopped bickering and looked up.  
  
"Yes, it is! Hanna, climb down on that vine there!" called one of them, who Hanna recognized as Elizabeth with slight surprise.  
  
"Are you kidding? Vines can't support a person's weight," argued the other, who was Anamaria, she now saw.  
  
"Well, what do YOU suggest?" sighed Elizabeth.  
  
"Don't take that tone with me-"  
  
Mro and Tobias looked at each other as those two continued to argue and rolled their eyes. Waving over Elderberry and Bulma, the girls gave them a leg up onto the tree nearest the house. Mro took out a rope with a hook on the end of it and threw it at the house so that it smashed through a window on the floor above; testing it, Mro then swung off the branch straight onto Hanna's windowsill.  
  
"You've learnt a thing or two from Will," said Hanna, impressed, as he steadied himself and held out an arm to her.  
  
"Hey, I invented that," said Mro with injured tones. Hanging onto her, he swung back to the branch again and passed her to Tobias, who handed her down to Bulma and Elderberry.  
  
"Do we save the others as well?" asked Frankie confusedly, "Or do Jack and Will's teams have to do that?"  
  
"Tough question," said Bulma. The Wob-Wob squeaked in agreement. Bulma had fashioned it a little pirate headscarf within five minutes of being onboard the Black Pearl. "Does anyone know where Jack and Will are?"  
  
"I think Will was going around the backstreets, and Jack via the pub," said Elderberry.  
  
Meanwhile, inside, Diana and Eos heard the pirates searching downstairs and some of them coming up the stairs. "Lucky my parents are out on the trading trip," said Diana, "No offence to them, but they wouldn't be much use right now."  
  
"And they may wonder where their daughter learnt how to sword fight," smiled Eos. Suddenly they heard footsteps coming down the corridor towards the room they were in. "Quick, through that door!" she whispered, pointing at the door linking to the adjoining room. "Do you have any idea what this is about?"  
  
"None at all," said Diana bewilderedly, "I mean, there's the Big Pink Pretty albeit Cursed Diamond, but Elizabeth's got that. Why would they come here? Do they look cursed?"  
  
Eos glanced out one of the windows they were running past at one of the groups of pirates going through the town. "Not particularly," she said, "Maybe these ones aren't cursed."  
  
"Whoa," said Diana, "Now there's a thought. Non-cursed pirates."  
  
While they were talking they'd run the length of the corridor through the adjoining rooms. The pirates in the house didn't seem aware that they were there just yet, and they were hoping to keep it that way as long as possible.  
  
***  
  
Shock horror! Are the pirates not cursed, but just ordinary pirates? Bet no- one saw that coming!  
  
Im a Brandybuck – Orli is no longer number one for me right now either. Legolas is still pretty high (emphasis on pretty, ba-dum-bum-TISH) but I think that currently number one is Dorian Gray from 'The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen', closely followed by Shane West (also in LXG) and Anakin Skywalker in 'Star Wars'. I need to see ROTK again before Legolas asserts himself in my list... less than a month! Woooo!  
  
Gilraen Ar-Feiniel – There aren't any more coming just yet, but there might be some soon. I'll try to write some in if I can, but I don't want to have too many non-Canon characters. As Jack says, eighteen is quite enough...  
  
Theshiz – You're in this one! And excitement is a'coming! Tanuki is all heroic! He'll be competing with Will Turner in the Disney hero stakes soon...  
  
One of your many fans – Oh, weird in a good sense, definitely.  
  
Pirate-strumpet – Something that has charms in it... a charm box? Hmm, Mr Cotton or Barbossa? Tricky question... All right, strange reviewers who read all my callouts as well as the story, if you had to choose between Barbossa and Mr Cotton, how would you kill yourselves?  
  
Terreis – Any suggestions for Jack and Will flirtations are gratefully received. There's only so many cheesy chat-up lines out there. And as for Jack saying that he liked you, remember how Will kissed Mako at the end of the first one? These things can be arranged...  
  
Cat Youkai – Actually, I really wanted to e-mail you about this, but I didn't have your e-mail – do you still want to be in this? If so, send me the form. Because you were such a cool character in the first one.  
  
Hyper-Elf – Hmm. That is a good suggestion. Wob-Wob eating the enemy ship... should prove exciting...  
  
Alteng – Sorry. It's just so easy to pick on Will. And his blacksmith's ability. I like him really, he's adorable, just so easy to tease. And I have no idea whether Bulma is aiming to be her, but never mind...  
  
La chica mysteriosa – I don't know if I got that or not. I don't think I did. Sorry.  
  
Reasonably Crazy – Yes! I have seen 'Finding Nemo' now, at last! Hehehe, the seagulls. They were my favourite characters, actually. And there's no way they're stupid... they're wise, they're cunning, and they're EVIL. And they may return soon.  
  
Elderberry – Agreed. Definitely. Poor Jack and Will don't know what they're letting themselves in for.  
  
Liz – Thanks! I hope you do!  
  
Bulma Greenleaf – (eyes Wob-Wobs nervously) Sharp teeth? Sharp little teeth?  
  
Lady Shinimegami – Oooh. Chocolate Jack Sparrow. I think I'll take that with chocolate sprinkles. Mmmm. And poor guys on the boat. At least one of them's going to have to end up with a girl at the end.  
  
Aaserene – Thanks!  
  
Beloved Fool – Oh yes, simply marvellous weather. Wonderful British summer.  
  
Bev Baudelaire – Hopefully there will be another sequel, if I can come up with another good idea for an adventure. Suggestions? If not, send in the form, and I'll see if I might be able to fit you in somewhere.  
  
Jedi from Rohan and Elf with a Lightsaber – Why did fanfiction remove you? And hi Jedi from Rohan, you're another person with a cool name! I hope you like these stories too!  
  
Tanuki Yasha – Thanks! I consider it... REVIEW'D! (dramatic chord) Surrounded by girls again, but don't worry, you have Diana to protect you. Even though it's meant to be vice versa vis-à-vis pirates. Hey, cool! Vice versa vis-à- vis! Alliteration! Go me! 


	7. Marvellous plans, conspiracies and Larry

Hi! Now, I have the guilt. Regarding 'Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the OOCness.' Yes. A month without an update. Truth is, I'm suffering writer's block with that story, and I'm also really REALLY busy with exams right now. So I'm sorry, I'll be updating it as soon as I can, I haven't abandoned it! Till then, here's the next chapter of this mad story. Except it's not as mad this time. Or it is mad, just controlled mad... or can madness be controlled? Maybe it's- (is dragged away with someone's hand over mouth)  
  
Chapter 7 – Marvellous plans, conspiracies and Larry  
  
Team Diana crept up towards the house, Will leading the way, Tanuki walking next to him, closely followed by Gemma, Terreis and Liza. Bringing up the rear was Jackie and Jack Cole. "Do you know where their room is?" asked Will.  
  
Tanuki pulled out a small map. "She drew me a floor plan of the house so that I'd know which window to go to when I came to 'kidnap' her."  
  
"According to this, her room faces the front of the house," said Liza, looking over his shoulder. The group hurried forwards and crouched in the undergrowth next to the drive.  
  
"Looks like the pirates are already inside," whispered Jackie, looking at the broken door. "How are we going to do this?"  
  
"We shouldn't just run in there straight away," said Gemma, seeing Will open his mouth, "The pirates might not know where they are yet; in which case, if they find them first, it'll be harder to rescue them and they might get hurt in the confusion, and if they don't know, two groups'll find them faster than one."  
  
"She's right," agreed Terreis, "Any other ideas?"  
  
There was a thoughtful silence. "I've got a suggestion," said Jack, "How fast can you girls run?"  
  
Half of the pirates were hanging around in the entrance hall of Diana and Hanna's mansion while the others tore the upstairs apart, looking for the girls. Suddenly, as one, they all leapt a foot in the air as they heard a shout from behind them.  
  
"Slean nid!" shouted Jackie from the doorway, Gemma, Liza and Terreis behind her. Bewildered, they turned and looked round at them.  
  
"Y'what?" said one of them.  
  
"Eio ra nid rutcha tha waerlinga nista!" shouted Jackie again in a threatening way, and arched an eyebrow deviously for good measure. The others glanced at each other, then followed suit. The pirates, as they had every right to, continued to stare at them in bewilderment.  
  
"I don't think they understand," said Liza quietly.  
  
"Even I don't," said Gemma. The girls all glanced at each other nervously. Then Terreis crouched down, picked up a stone from the drive, and threw it at the nearest one.  
  
"Ow!" he cried, "What did you do that for?" He was answered by Liza also throwing a stone, which hit another one.  
  
"Ow!" agreed the other pirate, "Stop that!"  
  
The girls just smiled sweetly, turned and started running down the drive. The pirates glanced at each other and gave chase, but the girls had already reached the bushes at the end of the garden. The pirates skidded to a halt near them, looking around bewilderedly. Just as they were about to turn back to the house, Liza stuck her head out of the bush.  
  
"Peek-a-boo!" she called, and vanished back in amongst the leaves. The pirates ran after them.  
  
Will, Tanuki and Jack watched them crash through the bush, the girls staying just ahead of them and leading them away from the house. "They'll keep them busy for hours," said Will, "Come on. At least that's some of them gone."  
  
Stealthily, as stealthily as only Disney heroes can be (much to Jack and Tanuki's surprise, they hadn't realized they'd been elevated to that level yet) they crept up to the front door. Drawing their swords, and pausing only for a second ("Don't fail me, Larry," Tanuki muttered to his sword), they stepped inside.  
  
"Jack, hadn't we better, uh, be going up to the house?" asked Kathryn bewilderedly as Jack continued to heap bottles of rum into their arms. "I'm all for a party when we get back, but right now-"  
  
"Party?" said Jack innocently, "Who said this was for a party?" He then shot a grin at her, a grin which said, 'Haha, I know something you don't, and when you do know you're going to think that I'm soooo cool.'  
  
The people who had been with Jack on the last mission recognized that look and what usually happened after it, and shivered. Mort grabbed Helen's hand.  
  
"Now this actually IS a conspiracy," muttered Eowyn. But finally, after looting several rum stores on the way up the hills and Alex was considering kicking Jack if he made them carry any more, he seemed satisfied. They started to make their way up to the house.  
  
"This is getting boring," complained Gemma as they fought their way through yet another thorny bush, "Can't we just stop now?"  
  
"No! This is fun!" said Terreis.  
  
"For you maybe, but I only ever came because Alex and Frankie made me," protested Gemma, fighting to free her plait from one particularly jagged thorn, "Ow! I wanted to be a seamstress or something. When did they last prune these hedges? They're getting out of control!"  
  
"Bushes need love like everything does," said Liza enigmatically. Suddenly they found themselves bursting out of the bushes into the open grounds behind the house. Behind them, quite a long way off in the bushes, they heard crashing as pirates fought their way through, and occasional cursing. Jackie looked out over the lawn.  
  
"Look! Who's that?" she said, seeing a group of people running across it, away from the house. Terreis and Liza quickly drew their swords, but their suspicions were allayed when they saw one of them waving maniacally at Gemma.  
  
"Oh, it's Team Hanna!" said Terreis, relieved, as Frankie hurled herself from the group at Gemma. "Did you get Hanna?"  
  
"Yes, we did," said Elizabeth, "She's right here. Thanks to my brilliant plan-"  
  
"Actually, it was my brilliant plan," said Anamaria.  
  
"ACTUALLY, ladies, I believe it was my MARVELLOUS plan," said Mro nonchalantly.  
  
"What about Diana and that other girl, Eos?" asked Jackie.  
  
"When we looked back to the window, they were gone," said Bulma, her Wob- Wob jiggling on her shoulder in excitement. Elizabeth raised an eyebrow at it. "I think pirates must have got into the house. We can hope they only ran away, but we don't know..."  
  
"So you're running away from the house – why?" asked Gemma, "Why didn't you go in and help?"  
  
"Because we can't just go charging in," said Anamaria, "I saw the pirates going in. There's some positioned outside the house. If anyone goes in, then they'll go in after them; they're obviously expecting some sort of rescue attempt. If we try to go in that way, we won't stand a chance."  
  
"WHAT?" said Jackie, "But – Will, Tanuki and Jack have just gone in that way!"  
  
"Will?!" said Elizabeth fearfully. Without hesitating she turned and started running towards the front of the house; as one, the group followed. Frankie stopped suddenly, grabbing onto Hanna and Mro.  
  
"Mro! You've just saved Hanna, you don't want to go leading her into trouble again. We should take her back down to the ship."  
  
"But the others-" Mro looked at the house, then back again to Hanna and Frankie. "OK. I'm sure they can handle it." The three of them turned away from the house back towards the drive, Mro and Frankie taking out their swords.  
  
But even as they ran towards the gates, they were seen by a couple of pirates who had just fought their way out of the bushes. The pirates watched them for a second, and then followed them.  
  
"They're coming closer," whispered Diana as they heard the pirates crashing along the hall. She shuffled further behind the chaise-long, where she was hiding with Eos. She also moved her sword into a position where it was easier to defend herself. "What could they want? You haven't gone upsetting any pirates recently, have you?"  
  
"I don't think so," said Eos. But she hesitated, and felt in her pocket for her bead frog, and the two gold beads for eyes.  
  
Suddenly they heard a shout from the hallway below, that sounded different from the usual rowdy hollering of the pirates looking for them. It sounded younger. "That sounded like-" She froze for a second, then leapt out from behind the chaise-long, sword at the ready. Before Eos could stop her, she'd run to the door, pulled it open and run out onto the balcony above the hall.  
  
Below her in the lobby, to her immense surprise, she saw Will, Tanuki and another young man she didn't recognize. She was so surprised at seeing them that she didn't notice that they were fiercely fighting with many pirates, and were outnumbered about three to one. Not that Will was finding that much of a difficulty, but the other two had less experience than them. She looked on in horror as Tanuki was caught off-guard and fell over, his sword skidding away from him across the hall floor.  
  
"Tanuki!" she shouted desperately. All of them stopped fighting and looked up at her; all of the pirates searching upstairs heard and raced from various rooms on the top floor. But Diana didn't hesitate; she vaulted over the balcony onto the hall floor below with such agility that even Will was impressed. Before the pirates had time to react, she'd grabbed onto Tanuki's sword and handed it to him, before pulling him up.  
  
They only had time for a brief smile and handclasp that said more than I could write even in this chapter before the pirates recovered from the surprise and leapt back into action.  
  
"What are you doing here?" she asked as they fought side by side.  
  
"Oh, you know, we were in the area..." shrugged Tanuki, "By the way, Diana, Jack, Jack, Diana."  
  
"Hi," said Jack as he parried one pirate's sword and punched another in the head at the same time.  
  
"He seems nice," said Diana.  
  
"Where's Eos?" called Will, as he jumped onto the head of one pirate, and from there onto the balcony, where he used a belt of a pirate standing on the balcony to swing around onto the chandelier, and then spin round on that, kicking various pirates who came near. The move was so cool that even the enemy pirates stopped to watch.  
  
Diana stared for a moment, then recovered. "I don't know. Why?"  
  
"She's the reason why the pirates are here," said Tanuki, stopping to look at her. "Didn't you know?"  
  
Diana was shocked. Before she could answer, Tanuki quickly stabbed a pirate over her shoulder, who she hadn't noticed was there. "Eos? Why?"  
  
"Didn't she tell you? She's Cirfia's cousin. Anyway, these pirates are after the gold beads in her bead fairy. And yours. And Hanna's. Do you know where they are?"  
  
"Yeah, they're in my room. But the gold beads? Why?"  
  
"Long story, we don't have time for it right now." Tanuki looked towards the stairs. They were clear for now. He turned to Will. "Will! Can you cover us?"  
  
"Of course," said Will, dropping down from the chandelier and spinning to face the other pirates who were in the hallway, and were hovering towards the edges of the room, not eager to fight a man who so obviously had the protection of Disney.  
  
Tanuki and Diana raced through the crowd towards the staircase. Will and Jack, meanwhile, remained in the hallway, fighting off the pirates. Suddenly Elizabeth, Anamaria and the rest of the crews came bursting through the doors.  
  
"Will!" shouted Elizabeth, Bulma, Terreis and Frankie.  
  
"Namesake!" shouted Jackie.  
  
"Holy crud!" said the pirates in the hallway at the entrance of the eight girls and Tobias. When all of those eight girls and Tobias also drew their swords, their profanities changed to much worse ones, which I can't write here for rating reasons. So I'll leave them to your imagination.  
  
Im a Brandybuck – Well, that's where the idea for the title came from. You already knew that. Like I could come up with anything as cool as that! Pretty pretty Legolas indeed. Pretty... pretty... (jerks out of doze) What was I saying?  
  
One of your many fans – Cursed fairies. Now there's a thought...  
  
Theshiz – Ummm... unsliced bread, maybe? Sliced bread was first used in the French Revolution to stop people smuggling notes to Louis XVI in prison in loaves of bread... what was cool around then? Powdered wigs? Guillotines?  
  
Terreis – What really did it, I think, was Orli being a bit conceited in an interview. And the fact he couldn't act all that well. But he seems to have had some lessons, and he's rising in my estimation again. Paris has been my favourite character of his so far... somewhat more human than the others.  
  
Tanuki Yasha – Yes. I suppose. But we need more than one hero as well as Will, and you've been in here for the longest... the other guys are going to get their chances to be heroic as well.  
  
Jedi from Rohan – I will come to your site! I really will! I just keep forgetting, and I'm really busy... gargh, these are all terrible excuses... keep reminding me!  
  
Gilraen Ar-Feiniel – I might be able to fit you in later. Sorry, though. (huggle) (presents with commiserating muffin basket)  
  
Alteng – I thought so! I spent ages trying to think of how they could be cursed, but then I thought 'Hey, not all the pirates in the Caribbean were cursed. Here's a freaky idea... what if they're NOT?' DURN DURN DURN!!!  
  
Come-Undone – YOU'RE MY 100th REVIEWER!! I think... can't be bothered to count them all... anyway, if you are, YAAY!  
  
Elderberry – I... don't know... trying to be different, I guess...  
  
Bev Baudelaire – I'll try to fit it in!  
  
Reasonably Crazy – (pictures the uruk-hai at Helm's Deep playing 'Walking on sunshine.') "Come on everyone! Sing along! You all know the words!" ... now there's a mental image... (collapses giggling)  
  
Pirate-strumpet – That's a very good idea! (lassoes a nearby cow and rides off into the sunset)  
  
Cat Youkai – I got your form, and you're definitely re-entering the story! I've sorted it all out! Hee hee! I'M ORGANIZED!  
  
Tobias – Yes, it was swishy! And I got to swish it! I swished it GOOD!  
  
Bulma Greenleaf – (was distracted by chocolate muffins) What?  
  
La chica mysteriosa – You can send in the form, but I still have quite a few other people who didn't get in that I may try to fit in later, so I don't know if you'll get in. Sorry.  
  
Lady Shinimegami – Yay! I'm revolutionary! Rebel! Rebel! Re- (is dragged away with hand over mouth again)  
  
AND NOW, A WORD FROM OUR SPONSORS. WELL, TECHNICALLY NOT OUR SPONSORS, BASICALLY THE AUTHOR TRYING TO GET PEOPLE TO READ ANOTHER OF HER STORIES.  
  
Have you seen 'Troy'? Coming soon is... (drum roll) The Official Fanfiction University of Troy! For more info, go to my bio!  
  
AND THAT'S ENOUGH ADVERTISING FOR NOW  
  
No it isn't! IT'S NEVER ENOUGH! IT'S (is dragged away with hand over mouth. Again. Dang. Must stop getting into trouble.) 


	8. Strange pirates

Hi! This fight scene in Rum Island is taking way longer than I imagined that it would. Sorry about that. The story's hardly begun yet! If this were the film, this would be the bit where the pirates break into Elizabeth's house at the beginning, and take her to the Black Pearl! Oh dear oh dear. This story really could turn out to be long. And sorry to everyone in Jack's team, you really will be coming back into the story soon! I promise!  
  
Chapter 8 – Strange Pirates  
  
Tanuki and Diana raced up the staircase, knocking any pirates coming down them over the rail, to where there were several Disney heroes and more soon- to-be Disney heroes waited for them. When they reached the top landing, they looked up and down the hallway, but didn't see any pirates; quickly Diana pulled Tanuki down the corridor and into her room.  
  
She crossed the room over to her desk and pulled open the drawer while Tanuki stood guard, sword in hand. "Here they are," she said, pulling out her and her sister's bead fairies.  
  
"Where's Eos?" asked Tanuki.  
  
"She's–"Diana suddenly realized that she'd left her when she jumped over the balcony, and said something that was VERY improper for a debutante at that time.  
  
Even Tanuki blinked. "By that profanity, I'll assume that you don't know?"  
  
"I left her upstairs when I came to save you!" said Diana.  
  
"Upstairs?" said Tanuki.  
  
"Yes!"  
  
"Where there were pirates?"  
  
"Yes!"  
  
"Pirates looking for her?"  
  
"Yes!"  
  
Tanuki seemed deep in thought. "Crud," he said finally.  
  
"Well said," said Diana, "Take the bead fairies, I don't have a pocket." Tanuki shoved them into his pocket and they both crept out onto the hallway, swords held out in front. Down below in the hallway, Will and the others were still fighting some of the pirates; or rather, Will was fighting most of them, and the others kicking them towards Will.  
  
"Where's Eos then?" asked Tanuki again.  
  
There was a shriek from one of the rooms on the other side of the hall; the pirates which had been standing on the stairs trying to look as though they were doing something useful, but had really been hiding from Will, looked up and ran towards the room. "There, I'm guessing," said Diana.  
  
"I'd second that," said Tanuki. Without hesitating, they ran silently along the balcony above the hall towards the room, from which they could now here Eos shouting.  
  
"Let me go!!! What are you doing??? Look, I really will hit you, I mean it- "  
  
Judging by the laughter, followed by the loud "OW!" from the room, Eos had carried out her threat. And judging by the following more feminine "Ow!", either the pirate hadn't been too happy about Eos hitting him, or there was a pirate there who was – well, let's say more interested in eyeliner than Jack. Diana and Tanuki judged this extremely unlikely and ran faster.  
  
"Let her go, you pilferers, plunderers, riflers, looters et cetera!" said Tanuki dramatically, jumping around the door frame into the room, sword outstretched.  
  
The pirates who were, at that time, holding onto Eos to stop her escaping, all stopped and stared at him. "Who the hell is that?" asked one of them.  
  
"Do you know?" another one of them asked Eos.  
  
"Never seen him before in my life," said Eos bewilderedly. Diana ran into the room shortly after Tanuki. "I know her though!" she added excitedly.  
  
"Eos, are you OK?" said Diana anxiously.  
  
Eos looked around – at that moment, she was being held by about five pirates, with a sword blade to her neck. "Can't complain," she shrugged.  
  
Meanwhile, the pirates seemed to have got over their shock of having such an obvious Disney hero and heroine burst into the room, and were running forwards with their swords at the ready. "You go right, I go left!" hissed Diana.  
  
"My right or their right?" asked Tanuki.  
  
"Your right!! Why on earth would I confuse myself like that??"  
  
"I don't know, probably the same reason that I do-" They didn't have much more time for talking, as each were suddenly hit by the onslaught of the attack by the pirates. They tried to stay together, but in a fight, you have to take what opportunities you can when dodging blows (and causing a few of your own), so before Diana knew it she was on completely the opposite side of the room from Tanuki.  
  
"Take the girl down to the ships!" shouted one of the pirates fighting Tanuki to the ones still holding Eos. Tanuki and Diana looked up to see them pushing Eos out of the door, her still fighting to make them let her go.  
  
"Tanuki! Follow them! I'll be along in a minute!" called Diana, parrying a sword thrust from a pirate, and then hitting him. Tanuki nodded, ducked a sword from another pirate, used that pirate's sword hand to pull the pirate over, then jumped over his back and ran towards the door.  
  
"That's my boyfriend," said Diana proudly to another pirate. The pirate stared at her in confusion. Diana sighed and hit him. She then turned round to see the room still full with about ten pirates, all standing there with their swords out. "Oh."  
  
Frankie, Mro and Hanna ran through the now nearly-deserted streets. "How far was it to the ship?" asked Hanna.  
  
"As far as it is to the ocean?" said Frankie.  
  
"Oh yeah..." said Hanna thoughtfully, "So what's going on?"  
  
"Well, those pirates are after our bead fairies, so we had to get you out before they took it from you-"  
  
"The bead fairies?" said Hanna, stopping suddenly.  
  
"Yes..." said Mro.  
  
"I don't have mine! I left it up at the house!" said Hanna in dismay. All three of them looked at each other.  
  
"Should we go back for it?" asked Frankie anxiously.  
  
"I don't know," said Mro, looking up at the house on the hill, "It might be too late, and we don't know what's happening up there-"  
  
Suddenly they heard footsteps in the shadowy street which they had just run down. Frankie and Mro glanced at each other nervously and pulled out their swords, moving out of the middle of the street into the shadows underneath the surrounding houses.  
  
The footsteps came nearer and nearer, and soon a group of pirates came into view down the street. Strangely, they didn't seem to be the sort of raucous- pirate-band-returning-to-ship sort of group – they seemed to be more the following-someone-stealthily group. "Oh bugger," thought Frankie, tightening her grip on her sword.  
  
"It's a sad day when pirate groups become that easy to distinguish," muttered Mro. All three of them glanced at each other and sighed.  
  
"RAAAARGH!" shouted Frankie and leapt out from the shadows, brandishing her sword wildly, closely followed by Mro and Hanna. The pirates started at her sudden appearance, but quickly recovered, and rushed towards them as well, drawing their swords as they went.  
  
The three of them found themselves fighting vigorously. It was all Frankie could do to keep the pirates away from her; glancing at Mort and Hanna, they seemed to be having the same sort of problem. This was much harder than it usually was – not that she'd been in many fights, of course – but for some reason, these pirates were putting up a very good fight.  
  
Suddenly she realized what was wrong. "Mro!" she shouted.  
  
"What?"  
  
"These pirates! They're-" She was forced to pause mid-sentence in order to duck a sword and jump between two pirates both fighting her at once, and ended up next to Mro and Hanna "They're not attacking one by one while the others dance around in a vaguely threatening manner! They're actually all attacking as a group!"  
  
Mro stopped fighting and stared at her in shock. "Oh my god, they ARE..."  
  
It turned out to be a bad move to stop fighting. The pirates, taking advantage of Mro's temporary distraction (another thing most pirates never did), pushed him over onto the ground, and quickly pushing Frankie and Hanna down next to him. Frankie tried to sit up, but found a cutlass blade just inches above her chest, so she decided that it was a bad idea.  
  
"This isn't really good at all," commented Hanna, eyeing the sword blade above her.  
  
"Thank you, Lady Obvious," said Mro.  
  
"Ummm... parley?" ventured Frankie hopefully.  
  
"I'm the First Lieutenant," said one of the foremost pirates, "The captain appointed me in charge of these discussions. What is it that you want?"  
  
"Uhh..." said Frankie, momentarily baffled.  
  
"Are you interested in long-term liability insurance?" remembered Mro, trying to look assertive.  
  
"No. We're not. Is that it?" said the First Lieutenant, "Because we're in a hurry, and I'd like to kill you and get it over with." Frankie and Mro glanced at each other, minds working desperately.  
  
"Hey! You're looking for bead fairies, right?" said Hanna suddenly. The pirates stared at her in shock.  
  
"How did you know that?"  
  
"Because we know where some are," said Hanna, kicking Mro, who'd just opened his mouth to say something, "We can take you to them!"  
  
"Or you can tell us where they are," said the First Lieutenant, moving his sword blade slightly closer towards her. Hanna stared at it, and it seemed that for a moment, words failed her.  
  
"They're hidden," said Frankie hastily, "Really well hidden."  
  
"Oh, like we've never heard that one before," said one pirate sarkily.  
  
Suddenly Frankie noticed something. One of the pirates at the back of the group had suddenly collapsed. Another one next to him soon followed suit.  
  
"Well, if you were expecting a bunch of bastard pirates to turn up and take them, wouldn't you hide them?" said Mro, glaring at the First Lieutenant.  
  
"I suppose. Well, get up," ordered the First Lieutenant. Before they could, some pirates came round and dragged them to their feet. Frankie was starting to feel scared; these pirates were different from most. They were in a lot of trouble.  
  
But before the pirates had raised their sword blades again, a foot came out of nowhere, hitting the foremost one on the side of the head. As he fell over, his fellow pirates turned round to see a figure forcing their way through the group, pulling out their sword and forcing them to fight. The three of them stared in shock, then quickly grabbed their swords from where they'd fallen, and joined in.  
  
Soon, the pirates were forced back. "Come on!" shouted the person who'd come to their aid, gesturing down an alley. Without hesitating, Mro, Frankie and Hanna ran after them. They couldn't see who it was, they were wearing a scarf over their hair and their face, but they followed them away from the pirates, quickly losing them in the twisting darkness. But they didn't stop running until they got back to the Black Pearl, and stopped panting on the dock, hiding behind some barrels.  
  
"Who are you?" asked Mro as soon as he could. The person answered by pulling the scarf off their head.  
  
"Cat!" gasped Frankie, recognizing their old shipmate, "But – how-"  
  
"What, you think Will taught me nothing about turning up at just the right moment?" said Cat, raising an eyebrow and smiling.  
  
"But – how – where did you come from?" asked Hanna, staring at her in amazement.  
  
"Well, I saw the pirate crew in Tortuga," explained Cat, retying the scarf so that it didn't conceal her face, "And I saw Jack and you lot, and that you were helping Cirfia escape from the pirates. Since you were busy, and because I guessed this would end up being a quest-"  
  
"Will is way too easy to predict," smiled Frankie.  
  
"Quite," agreed Cat, "But since I knew this would end up being a quest, I stowed away on their ship, and quietly joined the crew. No-one noticed, but I heard lots of things about what they're doing, and stuff. And tonight, I tagged along with the groups, and basically kept an eye on you all. When you three ran off, I followed you, and when you got into trouble..."  
  
"You are USEFUL," said Mro fervently. Frankie and Hanna nodded.  
  
"Thanks," beamed Cat, "Do you know where Jack and the others are?"  
  
"No idea," said Frankie, "But I'm sure they're fine..."

Sadly, they'd forgotten that fate was easier tempted than Jack with a whole barrel of rum.

-  
  
These pirates are really quite odd... they're not cursed... they all attack at once... they don't listen to parleys much... they don't fall for easy tricks... DURN DURN DURN! And lots of people have been wondering what Jackie was saying in the last chapter – she was saying 'Watch out! I'm going to hit you with a hammer!' in elvish, or words to that effect. I can't remember exactly.  
  
Im a Brandybuck – Oh, I know it sounds weird.  
  
O. O. Y. M. F. – Yes, it was elvish. Well spotted!  
  
Theshiz – You two are way cooler than Will and Elizabeth. Maybe cooler than Han Solo and Leia... hmmm...  
  
Alteng – Oh, I'm sure Anamaria will beat the living snot out of Elizabeth! It's only a matter of time!  
  
Hyper-Elf – I could just picture it too. Boy, I'd love it if I could actually turn this into a movie...  
  
Bulma Greenleaf – Mebbe... You're not the only one who wants that, all the Wob-Wobs are threatening to eat my socks if I don't give their representative a good part...  
  
Pirate-strumpet – OK, that sounds just TOO terrifying and evil. I have a rating to work with here.  
  
Gilraen Ar-Feiniel – You're welcome! And I've had an idea, so I might be able to fit you in later.  
  
Jedi from Rohan – Keep thwack forgetting thwack to go to your thwack site. Argh. I will remember! I really do want to come onto it! I just keep forgetting! thwack  
  
Reasonably Crazy – Penguin overlords? Would they be interested in helping me to conquer Poland?  
  
Bev Baudelaire – Sorry, I have loads of other stories to write too, and I've been having lots of exams too.  
  
Terreis – It was elvish, well noticed. And a few people have reached Disney hero levels, but not quite everyone yet. I think you're nearly there...  
  
Tanuki Yasha – (gasp) Not my various pointy objects! You wouldn't dare, you still fear – the spatula!! And thanks, I've been working really hard on writing fight scenes! They're still not brilliant, but they're better. I'll keep practising. More fights to come!  
  
Angelina Sparrow – As I said to Gilraen, I had an idea where I might be able to fit in more people, but it won't be for a while. But send in your form and I'll see what I can do.  
  
Silver dragon 15 – Thanks very much!  
  
La chica mysteriosa – Good! Lots of lovely forms! Thanks!  
  
Lady Shinimegami – Troy WAS a massive disappointment! They say that they were trying to not have any definite good guys or bad guys, but hello, they should have just tattooed EVIL GIT on Agamemnon's forehead. It would have been subtler. Grrrr.  
  
AND NOW A WORD FROM OUR SPONSORS... aka ME...  
  
First of all, I've started writing a Pokemon story in conjunction with Bulma Greenleaf – check our joint account, under the name Wob-Wobs United, to read it. Of course, if you don't like Pokemon, don't bother...  
  
Second of all, I've started a message board for the Official Fanfiction University of Troy, coming soon, so please go and check that out! The link is on my bio!  
  
Third of all, all of the stories in this massive update of mine were dedicated to everyone in the world who have been taking exams recently. Congratulations! You made it through them! Now RELAX! That is an order, dagnabbit! An order from the Wob-Wobs, no less!


	9. Wiggling ears and pelting fruit

Another chapter! Wheee! It's amazing, I've been suffering writer's block with this story for ages, and suddenly the ideas are coming thick and fast! I hope the same happens with Pirates of the Caribbean: the Curse of the OOCness, I'm still having difficulty with that one.  
  
It looks like this story's going to be a long one, so sit back and enjoy it!  
  
Chapter 9 – Wiggling ears and pelting fruit  
  
Tanuki, unaware that fate was being tempted down by the docks, was leaping down the stairs after the pirates taking Eos with them and holding out his sword. As soon as the pirates reached the foot of the stairs, half of them turned with their swords out, and Tanuki found his new Disney-hero status tested to the limit as he fought off five pirates at once.  
  
As he did, he glanced at the lobby, and was surprised to see that Will and the others were gone; but, hearing shouts and the clashes of swords in another room, looked in there and saw Will running past the door, doing a double forward flip and landing feet-first onto another pirate. Judging by the admiring whoops from the room, the other girls were in there too.  
  
Damn. He could really do with some of Will's heroic clichés right now. Sighing, he vaulted over the banister and kept fighting the pirates, parrying a blade here, stabbing out there, ducking and dodging everywhere, old Tanuki had a fight, ee-i-ee-i-o.  
  
Suddenly a foot shot out of nowhere, and Tanuki ended up flat on his back on the ground. Before he could react, two strong arms had grabbed onto his own, and two pirates were dragging him to his feet, and kicking his sword away across the lobby. "Hey!" shouted Tanuki, and kicked out sideways. The pirate holding onto him swore, but didn't let go.  
  
"Do we kill him?" asked one pirate.  
  
"No!" said another one, pointing with his sword at Tanuki's pocket. A bead fairy was just poking out of it. "He's got a bead fairy. Take him down to the ship with her," he said, gesturing at Eos.  
  
The pirates nodded and pushed Tanuki forwards, along with Eos, towards the door. "Hey!" he shouted in the direction of the room where the others were, "HEY! Uh... COCONUT RUM!"  
  
Tobias raced out of the room and skidded to a halt. "Where? Where?" he said eagerly.  
  
"Uh..." Tanuki gestured at the pirates holding onto him. "Little help?"  
  
"... OH!" Tobias started forwards, grabbing onto his sword as he went.  
  
"No!" said Tanuki, thinking quickly, "There's too many, even for all of you. But Diana's still upstairs, I think she could be in trouble. Go help her!" Tobias looked uncertain. "Do it, or I will come over there and kick your ass!" said Tanuki, glaring.  
  
If Tobias had noticed the implausibility of such a threat, considering that the problem was that Tanuki couldn't escape from the crowd of pirates, he didn't mention it. The last thing Tanuki saw before he was dragged out of the front door was Tobias turning to look up at the room where Diana was and looking nervous.

-  
  
Meanwhile, in the dining room, the battle between the others and the pirates was still raging fiercely – well, as fiercely as any battle under the influence of Disney can be. In other words, as cool and nifty as the moves looked, hardly anyone actually died. Disney pirates weren't like that.  
  
Will was somersaulting all over the place, but rarely actually doing any fighting, he was so busy somersaulting. When he wasn't doing that, he and Elizabeth were fighting together with a chair and some fruit. Because of the dramatics of the situation, Will doing what he did best, and all the other pirates in the room, the soundtrack started up.  
  
The others, meanwhile, were relying on different fighting techniques. Bulma was revealed to have some skill in ju-jitsu, and her Wob-Wob was scuttling around the floor, biting people's ankles and growling threateningly.  
  
Liz found herself cornered by a pirate. "Hey, look!" she said quickly, pointing to her ear. The pirate obligingly glanced at it, and was fascinated as Liz wiggled it.  
  
"That's so cool!" he said, mesmerized by the wiggling ear, "How do you-"  
  
He was cut off by Anamaria running up and hitting him on the head.  
  
But the battle didn't go entirely well. There were cuts and scratches all round, and some worse wounds. Terreis was in the middle of fighting one pirate, when she got distracted by a particularly cool move of Will's (involving a peach and a couple of candlesticks); the pirate took advantage of this, and cut her hand off.  
  
"OW!" she shouted, or words to that effect (hey, I have a rating to work with here) "That was my favourite hand, you GIT!"  
  
"Stand aside, worthy adversary!" said the pirate.  
  
"'Tis but a scratch!" glared Terreis.  
  
"A scratch?? Your hand's off!"  
  
"No it isn't!"  
  
"Well, what's that then?!" The pirate pointed bewilderedly at the severed hand on the ground.  
  
"... I've had worse."  
  
"You liar!"  
  
"Come on, ya pansy!" Terreis hurled herself at the pirate again, still managing to hold her sword in her other hand. This could have gone very badly indeed, had Will not chosen that moment to swing across the room on the curtains, and kicked that pirate on the way past. Before she could run back into the fight again, Liza noticed what had happened and pulled her out of the fray.  
  
Elderberry looked up to see Will swinging past on the curtains (again) and grabbed onto the bottom of it as he went past. And because of the inevitable laws of momentum, when the curtain stopped, Will kept moving – with a yelp, he soared forwards and hit the wall opposite.  
  
"Oof!" winced everyone in the room as he slid down it, muttering curses under his breath. Trying not to smile, Elderberry ran over to him and helped him up.  
  
"Was there a reason for that, or did you just feel mean?" glared Will, rubbing the side of his head.  
  
"Aw, poor pretty elf-boy," smiled Elderberry, "Actually, I was wondering why we were fighting."  
  
Will stared at her in disbelief. "Because there are pirates?"  
  
"Yes, but shouldn't we run?"  
  
Will looked as though the thought hadn't occurred to him. "Because... uh... because we're providing cover for Tanuki and Diana, who are getting their bead fairies!" he said happily.  
  
"Shouldn't they be back by now? They've been gone for ages."  
  
"Uh –"Will blinked. "Well, all right." He stood up. "Everyone! We're going to look for the others, then run away!" he shouted to the crew.  
  
"Run away?" said Elizabeth, raising an eyebrow bewilderedly. Will shrugged and pointed at Elderberry. "Eh, all right."  
  
It took a while for them to persuade the crew to stop fighting; the pirates seemed all too ready to let them go, and were relieved that they had encountered several Disney heroes and lived. But finally they were all rounded up, Bulma had scooped her Wob-Wob off the ground from where it had happily been gnawing a shoe, and they ran out into the hall.

-  
  
"Look, can you guys stop moving? It makes it much harder to hit you," said Diana exasperatedly as a pirate dodged out of the way for what seemed like the hundredth time.  
  
"Look, have you got a bead fairy or not?" demanded one of the pirates.  
  
"What? No!" said Diana, "I don't, actually. Why?"  
  
The pirates all stopped fighting and stared at each other. "You mean to say this whole fight has been a waste of time?"  
  
"Well, hopefully you'll go away with fond memories." She looked uneasily around at the pirates, all of whom looked extremely fed up.  
  
"Let's go," said one pirate resignedly, and the group started to traipse out of the door. Diana stared at them going. She only had a moment to make this decision. She ran over all of the possible arguments for each side in her head, but then shrugged – what else could she do? She ran and joined the end of the group.  
  
"What do you think you're doing?" asked one pirate, staring at her.  
  
"You don't think that I'm just going to let you walk out of here, do you?" glared Diana, but tightening her grip on her sword for support, "I came up here to save my friend, and I'm not going to stop following you until she's free."  
  
"Fine," shrugged another pirate, "Kill her."  
  
"What?" As much as Diana thought she understood about piracy, she was still, at heart, a debutante with only a few days pirating experience. And such an abrupt order caught her off-guard.  
  
It didn't catch the pirates off-guard though. One of them stepped forward, sword raised. Diana stared at it. Her mind went completely blank. Well, not entirely. "CRUD," she thought bleakly.  
  
Just as the pirate swung the sword towards her, and she thought for a moment of grabbing her own sword before realizing it was too late, something hard hit the pirate on the head. "Ow!" he exclaimed and looked away from Diana, rubbing his head. Diana glanced down at the ground and saw that he had been hit by – an apple?  
  
Tobias was standing in the doorway, pulling various fruit out of his pocket and throwing it at pirates, with a dramatic expression on his face mirroring Will's. It was the distraction Diana needed – she quickly kicked over the pirate in front of her and, in a split second, had her sword at the ready again and was fighting back against the distracted pirates.  
  
But this time, the pirates were unwilling to fight. They pulled Tobias into the room and pushed both him and Diana back over next to the window; they then ran out of the room, slamming the door shut behind them. Diana and Tobias ran over to the door and tried to open it, but judging by the scraping noise outside and the shadow over the gap under the door they'd pushed something in front of it.  
  
"The other door!" said Diana, running over to it; but that had been jammed shut too. They were trapped. "Damn," she muttered, slamming her hands against it in frustration.  
  
"Are you all right?" asked Tobias.  
  
"Yes, I'm fine. Do you know what happened to Tanuki?"  
  
"Uhh..." Tobias didn't want to tell her this. Diana looked up when he hesitated, and saw the look on his face.  
  
"Oh no, please don't say-"  
  
"He got captured by the pirates," said Tobias. Diana stared at him. Then, without a word, she slid down the door and sat down on the floor, resting her head on her knees. "Hey, I'm sure he's going to be fine," he said quickly, walking over and sitting next to her, "Those pirates wouldn't have taken him if they hadn't had a reason."  
  
"I know," said Diana to her knees. She sniffed, and looked up again. "Any idea how we can get out of here?"  
  
"No, sorry, I'm a talentless fiend," said Tobias, "But I'm sure the others will remember we're up here, and come and find us..."  
  
"I suppose," said Diana. She looked out of the window. After a few moments, she frowned.  
  
"Tobias..." she said slowly, "Is it just me, or is there a yellow glow outside..."  
  
Tobias looked up. Indeed, there did seem to be a yellow glow outside. Quickly he leapt to his feet and ran over to the door, crouching over and looking out through the keyhole. He swore loudly.  
  
"What?" said Diana, not thinking she could take any more bad news.  
  
Tobias turned back to her. "Uh... well, look on the bright side. You like fire, right?"

-  
  
Vait a minute... is this story getting serious? That's not right! It was supposed to be comical! Gargh, am taking stories too seriously these days. I mean, there was a Monty Python reference in this chapter... but still, Terreis got her hand cut off! Sorry about that, Terreis, by the way... you got your Monty Python quotation though... Be careful what you wish for, you might just get it... And this chapter was a leetle short, but the next one's longer, I promise.  
  
Tanuki Yasha – I know, these pirates really are quite alarming. As you would know, being captured by them...  
  
O.O.Y.M.F. – Sentient? As in sentient programs in the Matrix? (gasp) They're AGENTS? RUN JACK! ELROND'S COMING TO GET YOU!  
  
Eowyn Skywalker – OK, so, um, your group didn't show up in this chapter. But you'll DEFINITELY be back in the next chapter. Back with a bang... hehehe. Ever since we said about how this should be turned into a movie, I keep picturing what it would look like if it was... I've started imagining everyone's costumes and everything... who knows, maybe I'll turn it into a play for my drama club?  
  
Im a Brandybuck – Have you noticed how they always do that in kung-fu films? All of the enemies stand around the hero/ine, running forward one by one to be beaten easily – why don't they all jump on top of them, like the Smiths do in the Matrix Reloaded? (tuts) Silly...  
  
Terreis – Sorry again about the hand thing. But on a lighter note, you've now reached Disney heroine levels! This is marked officially in the next chapter! (applauds)  
  
Pirate-strumpet – They do, but I haven't thought of a name yet. Dangit.  
  
Gilraen Ar-Feiniel – Thanks! By the way, I think I've found a way to get you into the story... watch this space. No, not that space, THAT space.  
  
Bev Baudelaire – I'd noticed that this story was a leetle different. It's strange. I think I prefer writing this kind. But I can't just abandon the mad parodies... I'd be attacked by attack chickens, for one thing.  
  
Alteng – I survived. Barely. And now I'm just worried about what results I'm going to get... well, I'll see in August. Argh.  
  
Theshiz – Hello, of course you're cooler than Neo and Trinity! They had about as much chemistry and Neo and Agent Smith. BUUURN! Question is, are you cooler than Aragorn and Arwen? Hmmm...  
  
HyperElf – Thanks! By the way, for you and theshiz – you get your nice fire and explosions in the next chapter. Hee hee hee. Maybe Jerry Bruckheimer would turn this into a film for me, there's enough things blowing up...  
  
Cat Youkai – Hmmm. I didn't like Troy that much. They made certain ahem changes to the plot. And I know the chapter's have been a little short, but the next one's longer.  
  
La chica mysteriosa – Don't worry, I'll be putting up the form again when I reach the point where I need more people. It won't be long!  
  
So I'll see you all again when I next update! The next chapter's EXCITING! There are fire and explosions! Disney is explained! And plans are made! Coming soon, to a computer near you!


	10. Disney, explosions and nyyyeeerrrow

Apologies that I've been away so long. I was on holiday, and then came back to discover that I'd had two stories taken down, and couldn't update for another week. This is also the reason for the disappearance of over half my stories. There is a possibility I'll be leaving , but I'll let you know if I do.

This chapter's slightly more usual than the last one, but it's still not the same random hyper adventure that it was last time. I think I'm maturing. Dammit.

Chapter 10 – Disney, explosions and nyyyeeerrrow

Diana stared. "Tobias, I may have just misinterpreted what you said, but – is my house on fire?"

"I guess the heathen gods decided that we weren't in enough trouble yet," said Tobias. Diana ran over to the door as well and looked through the keyhole. Past the cupboard that the pirates seemed to have dragged over in front of the door, she could see flickering yellow flames in the hallway of the house, rapidly spreading up to the first floor.

"I told my father he'd regret buying all those wall hangings," said Diana.

Suddenly they heard shouting outside the window. "Diana? Tobias? Are you up there?"

"Jack?" shouted Tobias, as he and Diana ran over to the window. Looking down, they could the flames downstairs illuminating the grass outside through the large windows – and on the grass was Jack Sparrow's crew. All of the teams. In the middle of them was Jack himself, beaming up at them.

"What do you think of my plan then?" he called.

"Your plan?" said Diana, then stopped. "Jack – DID YOU SET MY HOUSE ON FIRE?"

"Stroke of genius, wasn't it? I just got all the rum from nearby shops, threw it into the hall, and set it alight! Perfect for getting rid of any pirates still in the house!"

"Brilliant. Inspired," said Tobias, in a tone of voice that the adverb 'sarcastically' was created for, "Except we were still IN IT!"

Jack paused. "Ah. I see your point."

"How are we going to get out?" called Tobias.

"Oooh!" called Elderberry excitedly, "Defenestrate! Defenestrate!"

"What?" said Will bewilderedly.

"It's a verb, William," tutted Elderberry, "To throw something out of a window."

"I'm not jumping!" shouted Diana, "It's too far to the ground!"

"Oh, it's only two storeys!" said Alex brightly, "You can do it! Break a leg!" Diana and Tobias stared at her. "As in the expression."

"Here!" said Will quickly. He'd taken off his cloak, and was holding onto one end of it with Elizabeth. He held it out to the others.

"Ooh, good idea," said Helen, taking it, "Safety net..."

"It doesn't look anywhere near as big when you're wearing it," said Liza confusedly.

"I'm actually quite tall," said Will defensively.

Each person took hold of an edge, and spread it out to make a sort of trampoline. A very pretty red satin trampoline. A very pretty red satin trampoline that had cost Will a whole month's wages.

"Jump!" encouraged Liz. Diana and Tobias still hesitated. Behind them, smoke was starting to curl through the gap under the door. Tobias crouched down and felt the floor. It was getting hot.

"Would some rum help?" called Jack.

"You've burnt it all," said Mort.

Jack went slightly pale. "All of it?"

Suddenly behind him the chaise longue fell through the floor with a large crash. Flames roared through the hole in the floor, quickly setting surrounding furnishings alight as well.

"You go first," said Tobias.

"What?? I'm not jumping!" squeaked Diana, "It's too hi-eeek!"

Tobias grabbed onto her and threw her out the window. She fell squealing downwards, hit the cloak, bounced once or twice, and then scrambled off, looking shaken. "Your turn!" called Jack.

Tobias sat down on the windowsill and swung his legs out, ready to drop. "That's right! Jump!" shouted Diana angrily, "When you get down here I will KICK YOUR ASS!"

Tobias hesitated. "On second thoughts, maybe I'd rather face the fire..." Turning round, he saw that the room was entirely alight with flames. Even as he watched, the curtains either side of the window caught fire, flames leaping up them towards the ceiling. "Maybe not." Taking a deep breath, and regretting it when he inhaled a whole lot of smoke and started coughing, he launched himself off the windowsill into the air.

As he fell towards the ground, above his head flames suddenly exploded from the window which he'd just left, sending debris showering into the garden. Everyone leapt backwards away from the flames; including everyone holding the cloak. Missing the cloak, Tobias hit the ground with a large THUD that even _sounded _painful.

"Oooooh," winced the group.

"Why was there an explosion? It wasn't like there was anything particularly explosive in there," said Liz bewilderedly.

"Hello? He's a Disney hero," said Jack, dropping the cloak and running over to Tobias.

"Disney?"

Kathryn was crouching next to Tobias. "Hey! Tobias! Are you OK?"

"Nyyyeeerrrow," mumbled Tobias, still face down on the grass.

"What hurts?"

"Muurrryyyeerrrow." He rolled over onto his back, wincing as he did so.

"He doesn't look too bad," said Kathryn.

"If it's any comfort, I won't kick your ass now," said Diana, "I think the ground did it for me."

"Great," muttered Tobias.

"Well!" said Jack cheerfully, "I think that all this went rather well!"

The group stared at him. Well, everyone except Bulma, who was trying to tempt out her Wob-Wob from under Will's cloak, where it had hidden and was making whimpering noises.

"Oh alright, it didn't go marvellously, but it could have been worse," said Jack bracingly, "No-one got badly injured-"

"I lost a hand!" said Terreis disbelievingly.

"And I'm dead," called Tobias from the ground.

"Well, all right," said Jack, "But they didn't get all of the bead fairies, only Eos's and Tanuki's."

"And mine," said Diana miserably, "I gave mine to Tanuki. And Hanna's."

Jack paused. "Well, we only lost two crewmembers, they're easily recoverable-"

"Hey, where are Frankie, Mro and Hanna?" asked Eowyn, looking around.

"I think I saw them running back to the ships," said Elizabeth thoughtfully.

"Right before those other pirates ran away from Will?" said Alex, eyes widening.

"...Oh," said Elizabeth.

Everyone turned to look at Jack and hear the plan. He seemed to be deep in thought.

"I wish I hadn't burnt ALL of the rum now," he said finally, "Did no-one save a bottle?"

Will hit him.

"I mean, let's go rescue them!"

However, when Jack and the others reached the docks, it became apparent that Mro, Frankie and Hanna didn't need rescuing. They had built a campfire beside the Black Pearl, and were sitting around it talking to Cat and Cirfia (who hadn't gone on the mission – it would just be tempting fate). When they saw them coming, they jumped to their feet with big smiles on their faces.

"How did it go?" called Cirfia.

"Wonderfully!" beamed Jack.

"Don't listen to him, it went very very badly," said Anamaria dejectedly.

"I'll second that," said Tobias, who was walking along being supported by Mort and Jack Cole, "I hurt. Very much."

"Has the ship left?" said Will, scanning the bay quickly.

"Yes. They came back some time ago, raised anchor and left. Why?" Cirfia looked at the group arriving by the fireside, and realized. "Jack, where's Eos-"

"Is that Cat?" said Kathryn, "Hey, great! Jack, it's Cat!"

"Marvellous!" said Jack, "And look, she even brought rum! I've taught her well."

The entire crew of the Black Pearl sat down around the campfire. They didn't talk at first; most of them had received small cuts or grazes from the various fights that evening, and there was bandaging all round. Jack took a closer look at Terreis's hand – or, to put it correctly, where her hand had once been – and cleaned it, then said it should be fine. Tobias actually got off lightly injury-wise. Will had disappeared.

When all of this had been done, Jack explained to Frankie, Mro, Hanna, Cat and Cirfia just what had happened up at the house after they left. "These pirates are different from most," he said darkly, "They all attack at once, rather than one at a time; they don't follow the rules of 'parley'; they've kidnapped the boy, not the girl; they're not cursed. Why, anyone would think they were free from the influence of Disney."

"What's Disney?" asked Liz, "You mentioned it earlier, and I didn't know what you meant."

"One of the heathen gods," explained Jack, "In charge of pirating and heroism and all that. But anyway – Cat, where did you come from?"

Cat began to explain what she had found out while stowing away on the pirates's ship. "These pirates are dangerous," she said, "Above all else, they're trying to get back into the Mordre Cave. And the only thing stopping them is them not having the bead fairy. So they're putting all their energy into trying to find it. And not just them – they're recruiting other pirates to join their cause. They've formed something called the Piratical Raiders Alliance for Treasure Seeking."

"Or... the PRATS," mused Frankie.

"There's more than enough treasure in that cave to pay a thousand pirate crews. Did you hear about the break-out from the gaol in Port Royal?"

"What?" said Elizabeth in alarm.

"I know. The pirates went there and freed all of the imprisoned pirate crews awaiting hanging. Including your old friend Barbossa, Jack." Jack stared into the depths of the fire and drank the rest of his bottle of rum in one go. "Nearly all of the pirate crews in the Caribbean are joining them. If we don't act quickly, then we'll be the only pirates against them – except the Navy, of course.

"So far, the only advantage we've had is that they believed the one bead fairy to be intact. But now that they've captured Tanuki and Eos, they'll see that the beads have been divided, and they'll widen their search. This time tomorrow, you'll scarcely be able to go anywhere without seeing pirates. I can't think of anything we can do," she finished sadly, looking around the group for help.

There was a silence. Suddenly they heard footsteps coming out of the darkness towards them. Turning round, they saw Will approaching the fire, something in a bag under his arm.

"Here," he said, sitting down next to Terreis, "Try this for size." He pulled out a metal hand from inside the bag, and tried fitting it over the stump where her own had been cut off. Terreis stared at it.

"I made it just now, in the forge that Elizabeth bought me," he explained, attaching it to her arm. It fitted perfectly. "It doesn't move, of course. But I just thought you'd prefer it to nothing."

"Are you kidding? It rocks!" Terreis grabbed a spare branch from the firewood pile, and smashed her hand down on it. It broke in two.

"Terreis of the Silver Hand!" said Jack, "There! You have a pirate name already, m'dear. I think you've just become an official Disney heroine."

There was a silence around the fire, and then everyone started clapping. Terreis turned red. "I made you another one," said Will, pulling out a blade from the bag, "For use in battle." Terreis took it happily.

"So what do you think we should do next?" asked Mort.

"Well, getting you lot away from here would be a good start," said Jack, "I'm sure Tanuki and Eos wouldn't betray you willingly, but these pirates have ways of getting information, and they'll soon learn where the other beads are. I also think we should try and get pirates on our side – they're doing that, so we should do the same. I have a few contacts, I should drop by and see what they say.

"So, I advise that we split up. Will and Elizabeth, if you would be so kind as to escort those members of the crew with bead fairies back to Port Royal-"

"What?" cried the people with bead fairies.

"We want to help!" said Kathryn.

"If those pirates recover your bead fairies, then all this will be for nothing," said Jack sternly, "Port Royal has half the Navy fleet at anchor. You'll be much safer there. And I'm sure Elizabeth can arrange places for you to stay in the fort. And those without bead fairies, you will come with me in the Black Pearl to find allies, and rescue Tanuki and Eos."

"Yay!" they cheered. The crewmembers with bead fairies muttered disappointedly under their breath.

Jack got to his feet. "Well, luckily for you, young William, this pirate attack has meant several ships have been left unattended. That one over there's quite nice, isn't it? And it's a Navy ship, which is a bonus – I doubt these pirates will be so bold as to attack one of them just yet." He turned to the crewmembers that were going with Will. "Well, good luck to you all," he said, "We won't be too long. Should anything happen, just follow Will's lead. Useless as he may seem, he does actually know what he's doing."

"I'll believe that when I see it," muttered Hanna.

"Jack, I'm going with Will and Elizabeth," said Helen, "I'm not letting Mort go anywhere without me."

"All right," said Jack, "And the rest-"

"Jack!" called Cat, "A word?"

Jack went over to her, and she whispered something in his ear. Jack listened, looking thoughtful, but then nodded. "Cat's coming with us," he said to Will. Will glanced at Cat in surprise, but nodded.

Frankie, Gemma, Alex, Cirfia, Jackie, Kathryn, Mort, Helen, Mro and Tobias sadly said goodbye to their friends while Will went and commandeered them a ship. When Will had finally finished leaping around the deck of the ship dramatically, waving his sword in the air, and had proclaimed the ship theirs, they all got on board and lifted the anchor, slipping out of the harbour just as the sun began to rise.

Sorry about Pirates of the Caribbean: Curse of the OOCness being taken down. I probably won't bother putting it up here again, but I may start my own site and put it there along with my other parodies. If I do, I'll put the link on my bio.

Eowyn Skywalker – Good to know that you liked it even though it wasn't the usual randomness. Should I become a film director (HA!) I'll phone you up and we can make Paint Wars into a film! Along with a re-make of Troy (which I've already started planning) and a film adaptation of the 'Keys to the Kingdom' series, brilliant books.

Freakanature – It's still funny because I can't make myself write seriously for attenuated periods of time. Which is very inconvenient when I'm trying to write essays or exam papers. (gets flashbacks to exam time) Noooo...

Terreis – You didn't get a chainsaw, you got a normal hand and a knife for battles. Is that good?

Im a Brandybuck – I think I've seen that one. You know that LOTR party I'm having this summer? We're also going to have a pirate treasure hunt! I'm going to bury boxes of chocolate coins around, and give people maps! Wheeee!

Tanuki Yasha – Aww, that's so sweet! (hugs cushion since can't hug you) I think you both are cooler than Aragorn and Arwen. Did we already discuss whether you're cooler than Han Solo and Leia? I can't remember now.

Cat Youkai – Was this one long enough? And laughing rocks.

Theshiz – I've determined that, as a couple, you're cooler than Aragorn and Arwen. It doesn't matter about how cool the characters are on their own, it's about how they work as a team. And book-verse Aragorn and Arwen do SQUAT. Hey, are you cooler than Beren and Luthien?... No, sorry, I don't think so. Yet.

Bulma Greenleaf – I can't remember if you told me before... uhh... I think I just felt like putting it. And I'm mentioning the Wob-Wob whenever I can. Cos it rocks. Undisputedly.

Hyper-Elf – Useless facts are extremely cool. For example, it was Craig Parker (Haldir) doing the voice of the Ringwraith at the fords of Bruinen – you know, the one that says, "Give up the Halfling, she-elf." And that my rabbit's called Oddball. Go useless facts.

Tobias – (gasp) UNFAIR! Can I come? I'll shout out Troy canonical facts throughout the lesson! "Achilles was only fifteen, and he sucked at navigating! Achilles didn't love Briseis, he loved Patroclus! Yes, for once the slashers were right! He was also married! With a son!" Yeah, I've been doing too much research. Tell me what lessons you do. Wish I could take Classical Studies...

Gilraen Ar-Feiniel – Keep watching... any second now...

Alteng – They were indeedy in a fix. But you can always trust Jack Sparrow to fix a fix to be... fixier. Shut up, brain.

Bev Baudelaire – It wasn't the tests. It was the fact that I haven't seen my strange friend for about five weeks. She's the source of it all... the madness. But her mum blames ME for being a hyper influence. So maybe it's my fault.

CrazedElfStalker – Indeed a good film, but has Johnny Depp looking slightly strange.

Reasonably Crazy – Not a hook. A hand. Close enough...

Lady Shinimegami – That's so cool! Try and make it say "Wind in the sails!" I'd a dog to sit down when I said 'Havo dad'... if I had a dog...


	11. Plans and Voyages underway

I got my GCSE results!! 7 As and 3 As! Also, my mum got me Arwen's sword!! Also, we had a fantasy theme party! My friend found me a copy of 'Yo ho, a pirate's life for me', and we played it really loudly in the back garden while fighting with cutlasses! AND we had a treasure hunt! Man, it rocked. Anyway, there may be longer waits between updates now, because I'm going back to school tomorrow and have stupidly taken on an extra subject. Mad. MAD.

Chapter 11 – Plans and Voyages Underway

Tanuki became aware that he was lying down. This realization was closely followed by the deduction that he was on the floor. Slightly more slowly came the realization that the floor he was on was swaying.

"Eos?" he called, eyes still closed.

"Oh, you're up," he heard a none-too-happy voice saying, "Took your time. Why did you have to go and make fun of that pirate about his nose? It's very difficult to escape when your Disney hero is knocked unconscious."

"Are we on their ship?"

"Oh yes. And it's simply lovely, by the way. Modernistic brig décor, with damp rotting wooden panelling, holes in the walls giving a beautiful view of the sea. Oh, and don't let me forget the rats for that extra flourish."

"Rats?" Tanuki was sitting up in an instant. His eyes quickly became adjusted to the semi-darkness which they were in; he saw that they were in the brig of the ship, a small area separated from the rest by metal bars. Sitting on the other side of it, looking thoroughly fed up, was Eos.

"Yes. There." She pointed to outside the cell. Several rats were standing just inside the lamplight, watching them with interest.

"Great! I have experience with rodents," said Tanuki excitedly.

"Rodents?" said Eos, staring.

"Well, ferrets mainly. Do you have any food on you?" He checked his own pockets, and found them empty except for a few biscuit crumbs in the bottom. Quickly he dropped them on the ground. The rats hesitated for a few seconds, but then walked slowly towards them, noses twitching curiously. Tanuki didn't move, and Eos didn't look as though she'd move towards those rats if he paid her. Seeming to decide that Tanuki could be trusted, they picked up the crumbs with their teeth and scampered away in a dark corner of the hold.

"And the point of that was..." asked Eos.

"Making friends," said Tanuki, sitting back down against the cell. Suddenly a thought struck him, and he checked his pockets again. The bead fairies were gone. "Damn! Did they-"

"They took mine too," said Eos.

"So that's four gold beads they've recovered already..."

"Can I ask who you are?" said Eos, watching Tanuki from across the cell, "You seemed to know Miss Diana well enough. You just turn up, start fighting..."

"Did she ever tell you where she went when she vanished for those few weeks with her sister?" asked Tanuki.

"Yes - she was captured by pirates, wasn't she?"

"Not exactly." Tanuki explained to her everything that had happened last time; how Jack had brought the ship to Rum Island, how Diana and Hanna had given them money in exchange for being allowed to join the crew, about their adventures when they were recovering the Big Pink Pretty albeit Cursed Diamond, and how Diana had returned with the others to give Jack a chance to escape. Eos looked amazed at the start, but by the end, she was stopping looking surprised.

"Should have known," she said when he finished, "How many other debutantes keep swords under their beds? Except for this Elizabeth person. She sounds pretty superfluous, actually."

"She's not bad," said Tanuki.

"So... you and Miss Diana," asked Eos curiously, "Are you – you know? Promised?"

Tanuki looked up at her, startled. "Not yet! We've only known each other for a few weeks!"

"Ah," said Eos quickly, "All right then." Something about the way she said it made Tanuki uneasy.

"What?"

"Well... I heard Miss Diana's parents talking about various marriage possibilities a couple of nights ago, as it were. Seems that having their daughters kidnapped for a brief while made them aware of how valuable they were seen throughout the Caribbean. Just saying, you may have some competition, and I'm sure Miss Diana's parents would prefer some wealthy plantation owner to – well, a pirate."

Tanuki didn't know what to say. It took a few seconds to realize that there was nothing he could say.

xxx

To say that Will was thrilled about finally being in charge of his own pirate ship would be an understatement. Completely over-the-moon ecstatically ecstatic would be a closer description.

"Jackie, you can go to the crow's nest!" he said eagerly, "Keep an eye out for pirates! Frankie, you can make some tea!"

"Always the bloody tea," muttered Frankie, but went down to the galley.

"And everyone else – uh-" It was then that Will realized that knowing next to nothing about ships was a bit of a drawback when pirating.

"Check the ship through to make sure it's sound?" suggested Mort.

"Yes! Good idea!"

"Take readings to make sure that we're on the right course?" said Helen.

"Also good!"

"Shove Elizabeth in the cannons?" suggested Cirfia hopefully.

"Excellent – WHAT?"

"No, we tried that last time, remember, and she didn't fit," said Kathryn glumly.

"Oh yeah..."

"No," said Will hastily, "Rule number one – no shoving Elizabeth in the cannons."

"Can we throw her overboard?" asked Alex.

"No! No-one is to bring harm to Elizabeth in any way. Right, now Gemma, you have some medical knowledge, you check whether Tobias is recovering OK. Mro, check we're still on course for Port Royal. Everyone else, check this ship from top to bottom in case of leaks, cursed pirate gold, et cetera."

Most of the crew scuttled below decks, eager to check that the ship wasn't about to sink from below them. As they went, Kathryn asked Cirfia a question she'd been wondering for ages.

"Just how many gold beads are there?"

"Twenty," said Cirfia, "You have one, and so do Frankie, Alex, Gemma, Jackie, Tobias, Mort, Mro, Cat, Will and Elizabeth. The pirates have captured Tanuki's, Diana's, Hanna's and Eos's – she had two. I have three. As for the other one, my dad kept it."

"Do you – do you know what happened to your father?" asked Mort.

Cirfia was quiet for a moment. "About a year ago, I was sent the bead fairy with a note from him telling me to split it up. I didn't understand why, but shortly afterwards his body was found on a small island. Next to it was a pistol. Without the one shot."

Silence fell below deck. Cirfia concentrated on lifting barrel lids to check for cursed pirate gold. "I guess Captain Powell caught up with him," she said finally.

"Captain Powell? Is that his name?" asked Helen.

Cirfia nodded. "The gaol in Port Royal never held a man more deserving of the noose. But I suppose he must have taken the bead from him before they left him there."

"So that's six they have already..." said Alex.

"Not to worry, we'll be at Port Royal soon," said Kathryn, "They won't be able to get the beads there."

"I wouldn't be so sure," said Cirfia gloomily, "They already tore the Caribbean apart to collect the seven charms to get into the cave in the first place. You don't think they'd do it again?"

Once again, no-one spoke. "Okeydiddlyden," said Mort finally, "Well, at least we're being optimistic."

xxx

Since they were on the Black Pearl, back with Jack Sparrow in command, the journey to Tortuga didn't take much time. As Jack already had a crew, there wasn't much for the others to do; they spent most of their time talking about their lives before all this, and about what had happened back at Rum Island. Diana was quiet most of the time, thinking about Tanuki. Terreis had come up with an idea for her hand; she had been sharpening the edges of it so that she could wield two weapons at once.

As soon as they arrived at Tortuga, Jack set them all to work. "Mr Gibbs, go and meet as many of your contacts as you can. Tell them what's happening, and persuade as many as you can. Anamaria, you do the same."

"Aye, cap'n," said Anamaria, grinning and walking away into the streets with Mr Gibbs.

"I have a feeling I'm going to regret that," said Jack, to no-one in particular. He turned to the rest of the crew. "Some of you stay with the ship. Try to lighten it, we're going to need to go as fast as we can, and make any necessary repairs. The rest of you, come with me. We're going to the pub."

"Huzzah!" cheered the girls and Jack Cole. They leapt off the ship after him and followed him through the busy streets. People seemed to be making up for a night of attack by spending extra time drinking, as if to make up for lost time.

The pub was also more crowded than usual, and Jack and the others had to fight their way through the throngs of people to the only free table in the place. Actually, to be precise, it wasn't free – there were two old men sitting there, near unconscious. Jack, Jack Cole, Liza and Liz carried them out back and dumped them on the ground. "Let them sleep it off," shrugged Jack when he came back inside, and quickly ordered rum for each of them (much to Hanna's delight).

"What are we here for?" asked Elderberry.

"Well, since Powell's crew has taken to recruiting others, I think it's only fair if we do the same, don't you?" said Jack, "Gibbs and Anamaria have gone off to meet some friends of theirs and ask if they're interested."

"What are we doing here then?" asked Bulma. The Wob-Wob was wandering around the table, and quickly discovered some bread left by the men and started eating it happily.

"I find that some of my life's most helpful experiences have taken place in a pub," said Jack, "So I'm hoping for some miracle to help us with this task."

"Maybe it's because you've spent most of your life in the pub?" suggested Eowyn.

Jack paused. "Maybe so, lass, but still. Who's for a drink?"

xxx

"Port Royal's in sight, Will!" shouted down Jackie.

Everyone scrambled up back on deck and leaned over the side of the ship to see the approaching land. "Excellent!" said Will, "When we arrive, we'll go to the fort and see Norrington."

"I think we should go up to my house first," said Elizabeth, "I could talk to my father. I'm sure Norrington would listen to him more than you – no offence."

"Are you sure your father wouldn't mind you turning up on his doorstep with a motley band of pirates?" said Frankie sceptically.

"Except we won't tell him you're pirates, will we?" said Elizabeth, smiling and raising an eyebrow, "We'll tell him you're the relatives of some plantation owners on another island, travelling to stay with them, but your ship was attacked by pirates. We _kindly _intervened, and you need a place to stay. He'll suggest the fort, it's supposed to be a sanctuary for any members of the British Empire. And Diana and Hanna, well, you'll just add to the authenticity of our claim – he'll recognize you as the daughters of the Sir Reynolds of Rum Island."

"That is _devious_, Elizabeth," said Will admiringly, "I never knew you had it in you."

"Jack's been a bad influence," she smiled.

"Right," smiled back Will, then turned to the rest of the crew, "If you're going to pass off as being from wealthy families, you're going to have to smarten up a bit. I know there's not much around, but comb your hair, lose any beads or anything in them – make sure you don't look too much like pirates." He looked up to Jackie. "Did you hear that?"

Jackie didn't answer. She wasn't looking at Port Royal, either – she was looking off on the port side. The others immediately looked as well. "Oh hell," said Mro.

Sailing towards them, coming ever closer, was a ship. A ship with black sails.

xxx

Durn-durn-DURN! By the way, if anyone can think of a pirate name for themselves, do tell me, and I'll try and fit it in. And will try to fit in the funnyness again. (starts searching round head) Helloooo...

Lady Shinimegami – Well, I have a cutlass, and... umm... that's about it. Oh, I've played a pirate in a play and danced around to the Pirates of the Caribbean soundtrack. And I'm descended from a navy captain, an explorer AND an outlaw – do they combine to make a pirate?

Tanuki Yasha – Hurrah for plot-type stuff! These plot advancements are necessary. Pity they quash most of the randomness to be had. Ah well.

Cat Youkai – Well, he was certainly very fond of you after that. Cat, Rum-bringer. Hmm, not much of a pirate name though, is it? I'll try and think of a better one.

Im a Brandybuck – Yours sounds better than mine was. Hehe, Jack Sparrow steps. POTC is so cool... Can't wait for the sequel!!! Eeeee!!! I know it's being released next summer at the earliest, but STILL...

Eowyn Skywalker – I tried making a mini-film called 'A Wob-Wob Adventure', which went... weirdly. I'm still thinking about adapting this into a play for my drama club. Could be ex-coi-ting. Insane people will CONQUER! We will enslaaaave all humans! All boring ones, anyway. (mobilizes Wob-Wobs into an army)

Gilraen Ar-Feiniel – Hehehe. Pwetty red cloak. I want Arwen's cloak from ROTK, but would settle for Will's. Hehehe. So pwetty. Sorry, cloaks make me go weird. Almost as much as swords.

Theshiz – Han Solo is incredibly cool. But Jack Sparrow's cooler than him. Actually, they're equal. Or are they? I don't know... I ought to create a top ten cool characters list.

Bev Baudelaire – Aww, thanks! I won't leave yet, don't worry. I'll probably keep putting this story and OFUT and things up here, but put my parodies elsewhere. The links will be on my bio when I get round to putting them up.

Terreis – Apparently they were interactive, real-person based, that sort of thing. Blargh. Glad you like your silver hand.

Freakanature – Thanks! Um... dang, can't think of anything else to say. Well, anyway, thanks!

Reasonably Crazy – Thanks! What do you think about how you're written in it? By the way, saw you submitting a comment on Pippin's World – hurray for random facts!

Alteng – I noticed that similarity. Dang. Hate realizing that an idea I have has already been taken. But then there's that Irish legend about a guy being given a silver arm. So SHE ripped it off first. Tcha. And all out war is right. EXPLOSIONS! WOOT!


	12. Captain Powell

This Sunday is not only the 1000th day since I first ever saw 'The Lord of the Rings' and two days before Frodo's birthday, it's also 'Talk like a pirate' day in England! So everyone join in! Better get practicing... ARRR!

**Chapter 12 – Captain Powell**

They all stared at it for a moment. Then Tobias broke the silence with a word which summed up the situation very aptly, but sadly cannot be recorded here for rating reasons. Suffice it to say that had such language been used in front of Governor Swann, Elizabeth's story of them being relations of plantation owners would have been put under suspicion.

Will took command. "Mort, Helen, get up the rigging and lower the other sails! Mro, take the wheel!"

"They're coming up too fast!" said Elizabeth, looking over the side at the fast approaching ship, "They'll cut us off before we can reach the port."

Will glanced at Frankie, Alex and Gemma. "Can you three make a signal?"

All three of them beamed. "We'll need some gunpowder and, uh, your cloak," said Gemma, and eagerly grabbed it from off his back. Frankie and Alex, giggling excitedly, ran below to get one of the barrels of gunpowder. As soon as they reappeared, they scrambled quickly up the rigging after Mort and Helen.

"What are they going to do?" asked Elizabeth.

"I don't know," said Will, "And I think I prefer it that way."

"Will!" shouted Jackie down, "I can see the other ship closer now. You won't believe who it is."

"Who?" asked Will, "It's not Barbossa, is it?" he added with a laugh.

Jackie didn't laugh. She didn't even smile.

xxxx

Tanuki and Eos looked up as a pirate came down the stairs into their lower deck and towards their cell, pulling out a bunch of keys on hook as he did so. "The captain wants to talk to you," he said, shoving the key into the lock and pulling the door open. Tanuki and Eos quickly got to their feet, Tanuki's hand instinctively going for his sword before he remembered that it wasn't there. The pirate didn't come into the cell, but stood holding the door open, waiting for them to come out; which they did, albeit tentatively. As soon as they were out, he closed it behind them, then extended an arm towards the stairs and said, "This way."

As they followed the pirate between the cells and up the stairs, Tanuki kept looking around, mentally recording everything that he saw for possible escape plans. Not that their chances of escape looked all that hopeful, being on a ship surrounded by pirates in the middle of the sea, but you never knew. Tanuki liked to stay optimistic.

They came up the stairs onto the main deck of the ship, under the moonlight. Either this was the end of the same night of the attack on Rum Island or the night after; they both thought it was probably the latter, since they were both actually very hungry. They felt the eyes of all of the pirate crew, who had all stopped working as soon as they had appeared, follow them as they were led across the deck towards the main cabin on the other side of the ship.

Eos was not idle as they were walking either. She saw a flash of metal under a box on the deck; as they were almost right next to it, she stuck out her foot and tripped up Tanuki. The pirate leading them spun round as he heard Tanuki hit the deck, and glared at him. Tanuki similarly glared at Eos, who bent down to help him up. She held out one hand to help him and, as she did, under the pretence of using the other hand to push herself back up again, she slid her hand under the box; as she had suspected, there was a knife.

Palming it quickly, she got back up and held out the hand to Tanuki to help him get off his knees and back to his feet. Tanuki's eyes widened slightly as he felt the knife, but no other sign showed on his face; as Eos released his hand, she saw the blade vanishing down his sleeve. He then looked up at the pirate, who was still scowling at them for the delay caused. "You really ought to get someone up here to wipe this deck, you know," said Tanuki with a smile. The pirate didn't return it, and turned and walked towards the cabin again. Eos and Tanuki glanced at each other, and followed.

Not a single pirate moved until the one leading them opened the cabin door and stood aside as they went in. The cabin was reasonably richly decorated and bathed in the yellow glow of many candles. On one side was a desk, with a map of what seemed to be the Caribbean islands on it. Behind this, in a comfortable looking armchair, was sitting a man, who looked up as soon as they entered.

Tanuki and Eos were both surprised at the man. The only pirate captain Tanuki had encountered other than Jack was Barbossa, and had been imagining this pirate to look similar. Eos had heard tales of the evil and ugly pirates of the Caribbean. But this man didn't look like Barbossa at all. He wasn't even old – if Tanuki had to guess, he would have said he was younger than Jack. If he had spent years at sea, it did not show on his face, which was as clear and defined as many of the young men back in Bath in England. He looked as though he took care when choosing clothes, not just throwing on finery like many other pirate captains out there in an attempt to show wealth. If the pirate crew was different from most out there, their captain was most surprising of all.

"Ah! The two that the men brought back from Rum Island," said the captain, a smile on his face, getting to his feet. Tanuki and Eos felt uneasy, though they didn't know why. "I am Lucian Powell, captain of this ship, _The Pursuer_. Firstly, may I apologize for the quality of your lodgings? Sadly there are none better available."

"You've bloody locked us up in the brig," said Tanuki, looking the captain directly in the eye. Captain Powell's smile faded slightly for a moment, and his eyes flashed in Tanuki's direction, but in a moment the smile returned.

"As I said, none better are available. Would you like to take a seat?" He gestured at two chairs in front of the desk. Tanuki and Eos glanced at each other, and sat down. Captain Powell returned to the other side of the desk and sat back down in his chair. "Now that we are all comfortable, tell me a little about yourselves. How did you both come into possession of those gold beads?"

Eos quickly launched into a long explanation. She said that she and Tanuki were both servants at the house in Rum Island, that they had both found those bead fairies for sale in the local market, why, were they important? While she rambled on, Tanuki took the opportunity of the captain's eyes being off him to study him himself. There was no sign of a smile on his face now. As he watched Eos telling the story, there was a strange look in his eyes; almost as though he was hearing exactly what he had expected. Tanuki felt for the hilt of the knife in his sleeve.

"And what about you?" said Captain Powell, suddenly turning to Tanuki when Eos paused for breath, "You gave my crew quite a bit of a fight. Just a servant, were you?"

"Yes," said Tanuki.

Captain Powell surveyed Tanuki for a few moments. "Unusual loyalty for a servant," he said, "To fight so desperately to save a house that is not your own."

"I was hoping for a pay rise," said Tanuki.

Captain Powell laughed suddenly and loudly, making Tanuki and Eos jump. "Jack! Jack Sparrow! His influence is spreading through the Caribbean. God, I haven't seen him in months." He saw Tanuki and Eos staring at him in amazement. "What, you think I'm so stupid as to fall for this story? Old Thomas wouldn't be as stupid to allow his precious beads be sold on a market. You were given those beads. And I've spoken to the men too, you know. They told me about all the other people up at the house. You, maid, may have been working for them up at the house, but you-" He looked at Tanuki again, a strange light in his eyes, "You're on Jack Sparrow's crew, aren't you?" Tanuki didn't answer. "Aren't you?" he shouted.

"What makes you think that?" asked Tanuki.

"Because there's only one pirate out there who's such a damned fool, and his crew are all fools too. You're a fool to think you could fool me. You were with that other crew up at the house, trying to stop my crew getting the gold beads. You knew what we were after, and what's more, you were against us. Only Jack Sparrow would be so bold.

"And since you had bead fairies yourself," he said, getting to his feet and laying a hand on his sword handle – Tanuki slipped the knife down his sleeve and into his hand – "you must know where the others are. I highly doubt that you're just going to tell me, so we'll start with an easier piece of information-" He drew his cutlass suddenly and pointed it at Eos. "Where's Jack?"

Tanuki leapt to his feet and knocked the cutlass blade out the way with his knife. Before Captain Powell had recovered from the surprise, Tanuki tackled him and forced him onto the floor, and got the knife blade to Powell's throat. Eos quickly came and sat down on his legs, and pulled the cutlass away from his hands.

"Give me one reason why I shouldn't," said Tanuki.

"You're on a ship surrounded by my crew," said Captain Powell, raising an eyebrow, "You don't know where you are. If you killed me, you'd get killed yourself, but if you don't, you can stay alive."

Tanuki paused. "Damn, that's good reasoning. But I never was the logical type..." He dug the knife in a little. "And right now I'm thinking killing you would be a very satisfying thing to do."

Captain Powell didn't even blink. "I don't suppose you'd consider joining my crew instead? There are plenty more benefits than that Jack Sparrow can provide. There is enough treasure in the Mordre Cave for at least four lifetimes. And those are rich lifetimes," he added, "No sailing over the seas, risking death just for cargoes of sugar and cloth."

Tanuki hesitated. With money, he might appear a more acceptable match in the eyes of Diana's parents... "No," he said, "And you know why? Sailing over the seas risking death is the best part of my life at the moment."

"I knew it," sighed Captain Powell, "You're a Disney hero, aren't you?"

"You'd better believe it."

Eos suddenly grabbed a bottle of rum off the captain's desk and smashed it over Tanuki's head. Tanuki instantly let go of the knife and fell off Powell's chest, holding onto his head. Captain Powell sat up immediately, raising one eyebrow in slight surprise at Eos.

"Never thought you were the type to attack one of your own crewmates," he said, picking the knife up where Tanuki had dropped it and throwing it away across the cabin. He got to his feet and offered a hand to Eos. She didn't take it, but scrambled to her feet by herself. Tanuki looked up at her, still holding his head. His face had a mixture of anger and confusion on it.

"Why the hell did you hit me?" he demanded.

"Because you were being an idiot," she hissed furiously, "He's right, killing him could possibly be the stupidest thing to do at the moment. Even though he's a horrible bastard," she added, glaring at the captain.

"She's right," said the captain, smiling triumphantly at Tanuki, "Optimistic, but right. She's obviously thinking that you can escape in future. Sadly, your chances are going to get increasingly slim. Do you know where we're going?" He looked from Eos to Tanuki. "A conference. A meeting of the Piratical Raiders Alliance for Treasure Seeking."

"The PRATS," said Tanuki firmly.

"You may want to watch your tongue, boy," said Captain Powell, eyes hardening, "You might miss something that could be important." Tanuki glared in silence. "You know what? I'm not going to tell you now." He whistled sharply. Immediately the door opened and two of his crew came in. "Would you be so kind as to escort these two back below decks?"

The two pirates stepped towards them silently. One took hold of Eos's arm, and the other hauled Tanuki roughly to his feet, and they propelled them out of the door. Captain Powell called, "And if they fall over this time, stab them in the back."

xxxx

MISSING: Katie's funny bone. May have been removed when she went into the Sixth form and, for some reason, decided to take 5 AS Levels instead of the usual 4, which everyone else is taking, even the insanely smart kids who got 11 As at GCSE. Also missing, Katie's good sense.

Seriously. WHAT HAS HAPPENED TO THIS STORY? There were no truly random bits in that chapter... AND Eos caused Tanuki pain twice...

mronimusha – You see, you're not ACTUALLY relations. You're just PRETENDING. See? You even fooled yourself!

Im a Brandybuck – Yay, next summer! You know there's going to be two? They're going to be linked, like the Matrix 2 and 3. Wait, does that mean we can expect a cliffhanger? Will Elizabeth ask Jack, "So are you actually gay, or what?" just before the credits roll? DUN DUN DUN!

Theshiz – He's played four people??

Tanuki Yasha – My friend has recently become obsessed with ferrets, she's so jealous of you. You've talked to her, she was the one who talked to you about Invader Zim when she was round at my house. By the way, finally seen Invader Zim, and IT ROCKS! "Invader blood courses through my veins like GIANT RADIOACTIVE RUBBER PANTS! The blood controls me! Do not ignore my veins!!"

Tobias – (sniff) I wanna do classical studies. I'm stuck doing Latin. Hannibal's no fun! So what if he crossed the mountains with those elephants?? Nowadays you can do it in a cable car!! Oh well. I just learn it by myself by reading millions of different legends.

Cat Youkai – Sounds like a good one! I'll try to fit it in somewhere. Oooh, just thought of a great moment to have it. Hee hee.

Lady Shinimegami – Shankles is cool. Fantasy parties rock. Especially when you get a friend to put random fantasy-themed songs on a CD for you. Classics such as 'The Ballad of Bilbo Baggins', 'Yo ho, a pirate's life for me' and 'Away with the fairies'. And drink over a bottle of Tesco brand appleade by yourself (2 litres for 39p! May stain clothing!) And GCSEs are the tests that 16-year-olds have to take in England. Most people only take 9. I took ten. I'm mad.

Gilraen Ar-Feiniel – Shiny is cooool... shiiiiiny...

Alteng – My parents are indeed very cool. And British folklore, ummm... can't think of anything except all these different ways to find out who your husband's going to be and when you're going to get married. Gargh. Um. Oh, the thing that King Arthur will come back to life to defend England when it's truly in danger. That's all I can think of. Friday 13th, of course. Finn MacCool and his magic thumb. Yes, you read that right. A magic THUMB.

Eowyn Skywalker – PLOT?! (screams in a Legolas sort of way – you know, scarily high pitched) I really want to turn this into a play now! I could play Jack! I do already - whenever my friend and I get the chance, we get some swords out of the costume cupboard and re-enact the workshop scene. Hee. Fun.

Reasonably Crazy – Mocking's fun! (to Will) You're useless! You're useless, you useless person! You're so useless you're beyond uselessness! You're reaching beyond uselessness levels, but still you're getting more useless all the time! Two things are eternal, human stupidity and YOUR USELESSNESS! (pause) Heh heh, I made him cry!

Hyper-Elf – I spend most of my life at the cinema too. How many times did I go this summer? Ummm... between halfway through July and the end of August... eight times? That's all the times I can remember.

See y'all soon. Usual problem for long gaps between updates – I need to actually write the next chapter. But I'll get right to that.


	13. Battle at sea

Sorry updates have been few and far between recently. This chapter took ages because I was basically planning an action sequence – lots of fun, I discovered. I tried to make this chapter more like the ones in the first story; more of the strangeness which we know and love. So enjoy, y'all.

**Chapter 13 – Battle at sea**

There was a loud feminine shriek from up in the rigging. "Helen, are you OK?" called Elizabeth anxiously.

"I'm fine," said Helen, pointing at Mort, who was currently clinging onto the yard arm for dear life. He shrieked again.

"Just cut the ropes and lower the sails!" called Will, and went to the stern to watch Barbossa's approaching ship. This didn't bode well with him at all. He glanced up at Frankie and the others. "How's the signal coming?"

"Marvellously!" shouted down Alex, "Just give us a moment..."

"Will," called down Jackie, "Barbossa's changing course."

Will and all the remaining crew on the deck (except Mro, still holding the wheel) ran to the side of the ship to watch. It had been heading parallel to them towards Port Royal, but was now rapidly swerving towards them. "That course won't cut us off with us going at that speed," said Kathryn, "It'll drive straight into us."

"Maybe that's the idea," said Tobias darkly.

"Should we slow down?" asked Elizabeth.

Will didn't answer straight away. He was glancing from Barbossa's ship to their own ship, and then to the shore. "No," he said, "We're going to speed up. Beat him to the point he's hoping to get us. Get below decks, start throwing things overboard. But not the cannonballs!" he shouted as Kathryn, Tobias, Cirfia and Elizabeth ran below decks. He turned to Mro. "Swerve towards them, they'll change their course slightly. Maybe we can dodge them. And we need the signal NOW!" he shouted up to Frankie, Alex and Gemma.

"All right, elfin boy, don't get your petticoats in a twist," called down Alex. They started raising Will's cloak on the pole like a flag. It seemed to be drenched in something. "Are you sure this is going to work?" she added in an undertone to Gemma.

"When alcohol burns, it's only the vapour that actually ignites, not the material," assured Gemma. Frankie and Alex shrugged and all three started swinging down the rigging, closely followed by Jackie, Mort and Helen. At the bottom, they grabbed a small pistol from the main deck and, taking careful aim, Frankie fired at the flag. With a burst of flame, it caught alight, sending a small ball of fire soaring up into the sky.

"My cloak!" cried Will.

"For the greater good, Will," said Alex, eyes alight with the sheer joy of blowing things up. "Just wait for the flames to spread down the rope."

"Why, what's going to happen then?"

He was answered by a large explosion. The heat of the flames had reached the gunpowder they'd left on the crow's nest, which ignited with a BANG and a flash of flames which would have broken Diana's and Hanna's hearts if they'd known they'd missed it. All of the crew dived for cover as flaming debris went flying in all directions. When Will looked up, he saw that half the top of the mast had been blown away.

"What good did THAT do?" he asked, getting to his feet, staring up at the smouldering mast.

"You wanted a signal, didn't you?" said Alex, rolling her eyes.

"I was just thinking sending up a flag of distress, or something!"

"Please, that'll only be noticed when it's close enough to be seen," said Frankie, "By then, it'll be too late for anyone to come and help. Explosions immediately get the attention of the navy."

Will shook his head. "I never thought I'd see the day when explosions were logical."

For the next few minutes, the crew rapidly shifted everything that was unnecessary from below decks and over the side. "Navy ships sure carry a lot of junk," commented Cirfia as threw a bunch of coats overboard.

Will stopped and ran to the prow of the ship, watching Barbossa's boat come closer. "They've not changed course," he called to the others, "We're still on a collision course. Mro, turn the ship to starboard, travel parallel to the coast. Maybe we'll be able to outstrip them-"

"Wait!" called Kathryn, pointing at the ship, "Look. It's lilting slightly on the starboard side, and the waves are larger against the ship there. It's turning all right. Mro, keep going straight. When they come closer, turn sharply to port."

"That's left, right?"

"Right. Right?"

"What, right as in right or right as in we're going right?"

"What?? Right as in right!"

"But what right is the right right?"

"JUST GO LEFT!"

"Right," said Mro, "Now?"

"NO! When they're nearby!"

"Fine." Mro held the wheel steady. "This right?"

Kathryn seethed.

Several tense minutes passed. The shore hardly seemed to be coming any closer, but Barbossa's ship was nearing by the second. Tobias had been swearing under his breath the entire time. "Mro, ready the ship to turn to port," said Will quietly, not counting on his voice not carrying to Barbossa's ship, "Loosen the wheel up ready to turn, and everyone else, get ready to duck when the boom swings round."

They were getting closer. They could make out the individuals on the deck of the ship, all shouting challenges and threats at them. Mro drummed the wheel nervously. If they kept this course, they would collide head on. "Steady, Mro," said Will, "Be ready in a minute."

They got even nearer. They could see Barbossa now, standing on the main deck. "Mr Turner!" he called across the water, "Don't suppose you have Jack with you? I doubt it, I can't see any rum."

"Here's some," called Kathryn, holding it up, "Want it?"

Even from that distance, they could see Barbossa grinning. "Not today, lass."

"Well, that's your tough luck," said Kathryn. Quickly she set alight to the bottle, and hurled it across the gap. It struck Barbossa's ship, setting alight to the base of one of the sails.

"Now!" shouted Will as flames shot up the material and the shouts from the other ship changes to ones of panic and anger. Mro span the wheel. The ship lurched to the port side, sending the crew tumbling across the deck as it nearly keeled over.

"Good throw," observed Cirfia. They all scrambled to their feet and ran to the side to see what was happening. The ship had turned sharply to the left, and was now going towards Barbossa's ship at a much sharper angle. Barbossa's crew, however, were too intent on dousing the flames engulfing the sail to have done anything yet. For a moment, it looked as though they were still going to hit it, but to their relief, the ship sailed behind Barbossa's ship, the starboard side just feet from the stern.

"Keep this course!" shouted Will over their cheers, "Turn to starboard as soon as possible. Sail towards straight towards Port Royal. That fire will have slowed down Barbossa's ship, so we have a good chance of outstripping them."

Suddenly several things happened at once. "Cannon fire!" shouted down Jackie, closely followed by several large bangs from Barbossa's ship, and several cannon balls punched their way through the sides of the boat, and Mro, in response, span the wheel heavily to starboard, sending everyone flying across the deck again.

"Oh, right, the cannons," said Tobias, "Yeah. Should've thought of those."

"How's the damage below decks?" asked Will.

Alex went and looked. "Oh no! All the water we were transporting is draining out through cannon holes!"

"Uh... I'm guessing that we're taking on water," said Kathryn.

"Oooh! That would make more sense!" said Alex excitedly.

Frankie patted her on the shoulder. "Don't worry, dear. We'll get you help soon."

As Will was looking at Barbossa's ship rapidly gaining on them, Elizabeth took charge. "Cirfia, Helen, get below and see if you can't sort out the holes. The rest of you, start bailing. The water will add weight and pull the ship deeper into the water, slowing us down."

"Do I have to do that?" said Mro reluctantly.

"No, you lazy boy, you just keep holding the wheel."

"I'm not lazy!" said Mro, "I'm actively challenged."

The next few minutes were very tense. Despite all their best efforts, the ship seemed to be lower in the water than it had been, and Barbossa's ship was coming up on the port side. As soon as it was within range, it fired another round of cannon balls, which burst through the hull. "OW!" shouted Mort from below decks.

"Are you all right?" called Mro, "Did you get hit by a cannon ball?"

"No, Helen stood on my toe!!"

"This really isn't going well," observed Elizabeth.

"Not well at all," agreed Will, "Well, at least it can't get much worse, unless the ship actually _sinks-_"

More cannon balls exploded through the hull. Suddenly the ship lurched dramatically to the left – so dramatically, in fact, the musical score which had been accompanying this plot development suddenly increased in volume and rhythm, thus showing this was, indeed, a dramatic event. "Way to tempt fate, Will!" shouted Frankie.

The ship didn't recover from its sudden drop in the water on the left side; it continued to tilt over to the left, and waves began to wash onto the deck. "It's going to capsize!" shouted Will, "Everyone, abandon ship! Jackie, get down from there!"

"Eeeeep!" squeaked Jackie, and leapt from the crow's nest down into the sea. Luckily, as the ship was already leaning over to the left at such a dramatic angle it wasn't too far a jump. Everyone else ran up from below decks and leapt overboard.

"Hey Will! Doesn't a captain go down with his ship?" called Jackie, from where she was already paddling in the water.

"Well, this ain't my ship," said Will, diving into the water after Elizabeth. As soon as they hit the water, the crew swam rapidly away from the sinking ship. They stopped a safe distance away and watched dejectedly as the sail sank below the waves.

"Good job on your first go at captaining a ship," commented Mort.

"Shut up," replied Will, "What do we now?"

"There doesn't seem to be much," said Elizabeth, "that we CAN do."

"Young Mr Turner!" called Barbossa from the deck of his ship, "Things seem to have gone downhill slightly, haven't they?"

"Isn't there something in the chivalry book about not teasing captains whose boats have just sunk?" asked Gemma.

"Don't know, I'll have to check that out," said Barbossa, "Now, which of you lovely young ladies is coming aboard first? How about you, Elizabeth?"

"I don't know the ladylike way to say this," said Elizabeth, glaring, "But-"

Everyone gasped in surprise at what she said next. "That's it, I'm talking to Jack about the vocabulary he uses around you," said Will in shock. He turned to Barbossa. "What do you want? Haven't we beaten you enough times for you to take a hint?"

"Only twice," said Barbossa, face darkening, "Third time pays for all, as they say."

"Can I suggest something?" said Gemma, "I'd sail away, if I were you."

"Oh really? Why is that?" said Barbossa, "Are you going to blast us out of the water?"

"No," said Gemma, pointing towards the shore, "But they might have a shot at it."

Everyone turned to see the Dauntless sailing from Port Royal, straight towards Barbossa's ship. Barbossa cursed. "Alright, that's it. Get on the ship, now!" he shouted.

"Um, pardon for crushing your dreams of causing Will's untimely and undoubtedly painful demise again," said Gemma, "But factoring in the speed they're going, the size of your sails, and the current wind strength, the only way you have a remote chance of getting away is if you leave now." Barbossa stared. "As in NOW!"

"Go, little boy, go!" said Alex.

"Scoot!" said Mort.

If looks could kill, they would all die very painful, but quick, deaths. "You wait!" said Barbossa, "We'll be back!"

"Barbie, you just decreased your chances of being able to get away by about 83," said Gemma, "Did you not hear me when I said GO NOW??"

Barbossa muttered several things under his breath, and Gemma doubted it was, "My goodness, isn't she nice to calculate the exact percentage like that." However, he said nothing more, and turned and ordered the men to set sail. Within seconds, his ship had turned, and was powering away out to sea. The group breathed a sigh of relief.

"Gemma, if you hadn't just saved our skins, I would currently be killing you," said Frankie, "'Take a shot at it'? You should be keel-hauled just for the sheer terribleness of that pun!!"

"Were their chances of escaping really that small?" asked Kathryn.

"No idea," shrugged Gemma.

They all turned back to look at the Dauntless, now only a little way away. Standing at the prow, as they were all expecting, was Norrington. By the look on his face, however, he evidently hadn't been expecting to see them.

"Elizabeth!" he called, the surprise clear in his voice, "Mr Turner! What are you doing there?"

"Synchronized swimming," said Elizabeth sarcastically, "Why don't you come and join us, the water's lovely?"

A few minutes later, the entire crew, very wet but otherwise unharmed, were standing on the deck of the Dauntless. Elizabeth had started reciting the story she had invented as to where they had all come from; on hearing that they were ALL part of high society, Norrington looked from Tobias, still very battered from the night before, to Alex, singed from the explosion, to Kathryn, still holding an empty bottle, and raised an eyebrow, but said nothing.

"Very well," said Norrington, "Though some details of your story are slightly... peculiar, shall we say, from that attack I can see that you are in genuine trouble. Elizabeth, you and Mr Turner can stay at the Governor's house, but the fort would be safer for the rest of you. I'll have quarters prepared on our return."

"The fort?" said Alex, "As in there'll be sailors? Goodiiiee."

xxx

By the way, my good sense has been recovered. I quit Physics. Yay me!

Gilraen Ar-Feiniel – I just got the part in a play, and I have to go, "Ooooh," at a shiny object. Hardly any acting needed there. Shiny is gooooood.

mronimusha – Latin ain't that bad. No more Physics! Woooo! Your subjects sound way cooler than mine. Other than Latin, I'm taking Biology, Chemistry and Maths. Boring, boring, and boring. However, it does mean that I can battle my friend who's also doing maths. "What's the formula for coding??" "You're an imaginary number, punk!"

theshiz – You don't seem to have been mentioned much lately. We'll be getting back to Jack soon enough.

Eowyn Skywalker – Thanks! Your website rocks, by the way. I visit it whenever I can. My friends despair. (starts imagining a trailer as well) Wow... I wanna make a film...

Freakanature – Thanks! I'm just finding it easier to write serious stuff right now, for some reason. Could it be that I'm (dramatic chord) maturing?? Like cheese, but not in the good way!!

Im a Brandybuck – I want to see the sequel... (sniff) And I wanna see it NOW!! I'm going to see 'Finding Neverland' soon, that new film with Johnny Depp... hey, it's out on Friday! Yay!

Tanuki Yasha – I love that episode! My favourite has to be the pilot though. My friends and I quote it non-stop. It scares all our other friends. Hee hee! And no-one got impaled... Mort got slightly scared, but no impaling...

Alteng – Hey! Maybe that's why Powell seems so strange! He's actually from ANIME! That would explain a lot...

Oof – Never thought I'd say this, but sometimes plot must come before randomness. Whoa. I have changed. EEEEEK!!!!!

Bulma Greenleaf – Yes, the cliffhangers have found their way here... Thanks! I need to write more of the Wob-Wob though, he so rarely appears in stories...

Cat Youkai – I need to tap into my humour stores again, you're right. Hmmm. How to get at them? Usually Tesco brand appleade gets me in... (sends Wob-Wobs to fetch appleade)

Lady Shinimegami – I love the Ballad of Bilbo Baggins! I sing it in the lunch queue and freak people out! Which is always fun!


End file.
